Samantha Torrence - I was at a very dark time in my life and marriage. My husband was having another PTSD episode brought on by what I felt was a trivial matter, but of course was the end of the world to him. He would shut down at the slightest inconvenience and I was beyond frustrated with it all. I wanted to give up, but at the same time I wanted to continue to fight for him and our family. When he first came home with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in 2006 I remember looking for a support group for spouses of veterans with PTSD and I just could not find one anywhere. Then a few weeks ago, I did another search hoping something would come up and maybe I had just missed a small corner of the interwebs that held what I needed. That is when I found a facebook page called Military with PTSD.I went from feeling isolated and hopeless to renewed and excited. I had found an entire group of people who were going through what I was going through, and who wanted to fight for the same things I was fighting for. There were spouses and veterans on both sides of the issue telling the God's honest truth with a bluntness that only a person in the military or their family could appreciate. I read for a bit and tried to soak in some lessons on how to deal here at home with my very depressed best friend. I began to see a change in myself and in how I was responding to my husband, Tom, now that I had a little more understanding of what his illness entailed.
As I was reading on the page I noticed that the owner, Shawn Gourley, had written a book called "The War at Home." I found out it was a compilation of her experiences as well as her husband's (Justin Gourley) experiences during their fight with PTSD. Last night I bought the book and I could not put it down. From around 2 am - 6 am I read the words of a woman who sounded just like me, describing a life just like mine, and is living through what I had lived through. She had also gone further on in her journey than I have, since her husband has been in treatment for years and our family just took the first steps. The wealth of knowledge in the book let me see through the eyes of a vet, how my behavior effected my husband and how the world looked to someone with PTSD. Reading about Shawn's experience helped me validate my feelings and recognize the times when I did need to back off.
I was blessed enough to be able to talk to Shawn about her intentions and visions when she founded the facebook support group in August 2010. Initially the webpage was set up to allow spouses to connect with one another in a much needed fashion as well as distribute her free minibook giving the world a glimpse of her story that has inspired so much growth and courage. It evolved into a place where spouses and their veterans could connect with a community of people who were going through the same trials. Now today the facebook group as a whole is responsible for the improvement in the lives of many couples as well as saving the lives of veterans and spouses that were on the brink of death and destruction.
One aspect of PTSD that Shawn wants to address specifically is the connection to Domestic Violence. Soldiers suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can become violent and what seems to be abusive. The difference between a typical abuser and someone with PTSD is the mindset. Many time the veteran is enacting how he/she has been trained to take control in a time of crisis. For them everyday can be a crisis. Many veteran's spouses understand this about their afflicted vet so are hesitant to address the situation, because calling law enforcement seems like a betrayal or too drastic for someone who is simply ill. Shawn wants to see domestic violence cases involving veterans to be tried in Veteran's Courts. If you have not heard of Veteran's Courts before then it may come as a pleasant surprise that there are organizations and states promoting these specialized courts to guide veterans towards treatment. Coming to terms with PTSD means realizing that there are consequences for your actions and a Veteran's Court can give those consequences in ways that are more productive than punitive.
Shawn believes that there would be more safety and accountability if spouses were given the option to have protection that did not involve destroying the life of a loved one, but rather forcing them to face their problem. She uses her own experience with a violent outbrust from her husband as an example. Shawn said if she had been able to call the police on Justin when he did become physically violent and he was given the choice of seeking help or going to jail then the process of treatment would have happened years sooner. Shawn is not the only spouse who held back from reporting his or her soldier for domestic violence due to wanting to protect them.
The Military with PTSD facebook page has become a second home to me, and the book has already been put on a reading list for my entire family. The resource set up by Shawn and Justin Gourley will always be more valuable than words, and it certainly has helped families living with PTSD to learn to survive.
