How the death of Jane Kiley touches us all

Jane Kiley on horseback in 1993 on the Big Island of Hawaii

Jane Kiley died on December 28, 2014.  Chances are you may not have known her directly.  She was not famous.  But after this article, you would want that chance in life this woman to hold dear.  For many people presume the memories of our lives and passing is felt primarily by friends and family. But we are all like Jane and will be known by many people in generations yet to come. Jane's life is always with us, just like yours, for you are part of the journey everyone takes that she took just days ago.

While writers remind us no man is an island, the fact is that every life indeed touches others in very important ways.  Our lives are multiplied across a spectrum of individuals, more than those six degrees of separation we think are the limits of our connections.



We are multiplied by those who know us directly and then again by those who hear of our teachings, ideas and life experiences from others.  Jane Kiley had been a teacher in her young adult years.  Each of those children Jane taught experienced her lessons, her loving touch, her kindness as well as her knowledge. They in turn took home with them some of those events, touching not just their lives but those of their families and friends.

But one's occupation itself is a multiplier that operates in many ways.  Adults talk about children, repeating often an anecdote about a child's teacher.  If that teacher was particularly special, then those anecdotes would be more frequent than those about other teachers.  Jane was that special teacher, and part of that being special was the fact that although she had other occupations following her classroom teaching, Jane was a teacher her entire life. Many of those people who knew her as classroom students today likely quote something Jane said or did those many years ago.  Yet it was not just those students that offer Jane's wisdom multiplied over many, but others who knew her, and those who knew them, as well as those who will come after Jane in thousands of years to come.

Jane taught people how to live.  She taught not just with words but by example.  She taught through her encouragement, her advice, her embrace of the good and her willingness to share the beauty in what she saw in others and everything around her.  To be with Jane, as she taught, loved, and listened, was to embrace all life at its fullest.

Jane's children received their blessings in many ways over many years.  Two sons raised with sensitive caring caused them to flourish and become successful men with children of their own. She was the kind of mother who listened to her sons' dreams and wishes and then in incremental periods, she would reinforce their aspirations long after they left home for their careers.

Those wives and children, and the descendants yet to be born, will carry a part of Jane throughout their lives as well.  They will hold the memories, the ideas and the visions that were part of the life she lived and the joyful wisdom she gave to others.

Jane's husband, Tom, had a companion, to walk the path of life and experience the good, the bad, the tragic and the common bonds that they both shared. And in the death of a spouse one learns again how intimacy offers great relief from weary days of work in the restful arms of love companions bring. For those who maintain being single is the winning way to live, the lesson Jane taught others is that bonding can be special, life-affirming as the heart is warmed by others in our lives.

We sorrow over our lifetimes as we all lose part of ourselves, in incremental stages as we age.  Then we mourn the death of others, while people sorrow over our passing, just as we have grieved as well. We remind ourselves our loved ones have gone to a better place, but we do that through our trust in something we cannot see but only can imagine.  We see God as loving us and wanting to heal our wounded selves by giving us a gift when we face death's uncertainties. So we see death as a messenger of pain that can be relieved by those reassurances that heaven will welcome us, our friends, neighbors, loved ones, and even those we did not know, or may not remember now.  And we pray for our heaven with, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, " as the words soothe with the promise.  Yet death is more a messenger of joy than one that delivers death's agonies or the notion that the only true reward we have will be after our own deaths.

At death, and when some attribute of ours we cling to fades, we see the future lacking,  But nature, as we know, is replenished by other life and experiences that come and go as humanity moves and changes, meeting each new day with something different, something added, something born.  If we believe God is love, a loving God gives every day that something new that reminds us we are part of more than what we see today or what surrounds us still.  For we are all those connections that span the globe, of every color, nation, faith in every human way.

Jane was your best friend, sister, mother, wife,  teacher, mentor, buddy and the person you wanted to have the proverbial beer with, although she seldom drank.  It would be her acceptance of you, of what you are and did, that would keep you in her presence and encourage you to visit all you could.

Visit in your hearts today the Jane that all of us can share, the memory of goodness and a love that never dies.  For love is part of immortality that Jane travels with today.  And we are those people on the journey with her, a journey that may never end, in all its wondrous ways, a journey that is part of yours as well.

And a side trip to visit Jane Kiley Remembered is at this site where you can read in The Journal section there the entire eulogy written by Jane's husband, Tom Kiley, browse the biography, listen to music created for Jane and peruse through a few photos.  As part of her human family in the wider sense, you may add your comments too in the Memory Book, for as one soul to another, it would be fitting.