Mental health problems linger after women leave abusive partners

What we know or fear about domestic abuse

Carol Forsloff -  "People often wonder why abused women don’t leave their partners. But experts have found that things are not necessarily better after leaving an abuser, at least not right away.  It's a difficult process." 
Kate -Adkins, lead author of the study of domestic relationships and abuse,
who did the work as a doctoral student at Ohio State University made these observations several years ago.

The study found that women who leave a violent partner may minimize their risks, but the mental health consequences last long after the relationship ends.  In fact it was found that mental health issues may actually worsen in mothers before it improves.

In fact research has pointed out the effects of abuse to both mental and physical health can last long or even be permanent.

Arthritis, hypertension and heart disease have been tied to domestic abuse, according to experts.  It is also related to suicide attempts.  Depression and post-traumatic stress disorder are some of the emotional consequences.

There are also economic effects from domestic abuse.  A woman who goes off on her own after years of living with a partner, often has limited financial resources.  In fact, the fear of poverty or having no place to go is a major reason why women stay in abusive relationships.  Then the loss of income during the abuse itself has consequences to future earnings as well as limitations that include a lower Social Security from missed work time.  Moving is costly, and so is divorce.  All these factors add to increased difficulty from living with an abusive partner and suffering additional problems for years later.

Another devastating consequence of domestic abuse is that the victim often blames herself during the time abuse occurs and even afterwards thinks of how her behavior might have created the problems.  The pronouns "her" and "she" used here is to remind the readers that most victims of domestic abuse are women, although there is a recognition that men can also be abused.

And one of the long-term concerns following years of abuse, is that the woman finds it difficult to trust other s or to even trust herself in making the right choices.  Sometimes that means choosing the familiar, which means a man with some of the same negative characteristics as the abuser, therefore increasing the fear of making the wrong choice.  Other women may avoid dating or getting closely involved with another man for a very long time.

So when we consider the problems of domestic abuse, and see the shelters available for women and the support groups, those who plan the help are recognizing that abuse is not a one time or temporary problem but one that can last for years or even a lifetime.  That is a consequence to the fabric of society, so the problem is for everyone else.  The results of the research, and findings over the years, helps everyone grow in learning about domestic abuse so we can intervene, support or give financial contributions to those organizations that help the victims and offer education about abuse to the rest of us.

Anger, conspiracy theories offer fertile atmosphere for gun violence

Carol Forsloff — "I'm here to tell you, 1776 will commence again if you try to take our firearms! Doesn't matter how many lemmings you get out there on the street, begging for 'em to have their guns taken. We will not relinquish them. Do you understand?! That's why you're going to fail, and the establishment knows, no matter how much propaganda, the republic will rise again!" The rant reveals the pent-up fury of gun owners that often comes from the mere mention of gun control.

Alex Jones, the controversial radio host, who said the United States government was involved in the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Towers, offered a heated argument about guns and the fact he is against any form of gun control. His tirade with Piers Morgan revealed a deep anger that often develops in his programs and his arguments. On the Piers Morgan show, however, Jones continued his barrage of verbal attacks on any institution or individual in favor of gun control.

But the anger generated toward Morgan and gun control appears only to be a reflection of Jones' rage against  government rules or regulations, even the request to remove his shoes at the airport during screening, as is required by the TSA. He was detained by TSA security officials for his removal to remove his shoes. His publication claims, however, that Jones refused because he had allegedly got athlete's foot from the process a few years ago.

While the National Rifle Association, politicians, and ordinary citizens debate the matter of gun control, many people argue that mental health issues need to be addressed as part of the problem with guns. On the other hand,  anger and arguments that become out of control often create an atmosphere where some of those who own guns turn to violence.

Andy and Kate Grosmaires are parents of a daughter who was killed by her boyfriend, Conor McBride, who had admitted to police that he had shot Ann Grosmaire on March 28, 2010, following a two-day argument with her. The Grosmaires met with Conor to forgive him, a process they told viewers on the Today Show on January 7, 2013, allowed them to work through their own grief.  Both the Grosmaires and the McBrides joined Savannah Guthrie in a discussion of restorative justice, a process that allows victims of violence to come to terms with their emotions. The Grosmaires also explained that they felt Conor would not be an ongoing threat and that the incident had been an aberration of his personality. It is one of those incidents, however, that illustrates how guns are used during violent quarrels when the anger becomes overwhelming.

Not every angry person would turn to using a gun to resolve a dispute, as experts underline; however, the availability of guns and without restrictions, can lead to these incidents, in groups or with individuals. Alex Jones' anger is mirrored by gun owners, most of whom would not use weapons to make a point, but as conspiracy theories continue to develop around gun control and the government, the toxicity of the atmosphere can generate conditions where even the mentally healthy can do things they might not otherwise in the heat of anger. Then there are the adolescents, some of whom use guns to settle "scores" in gang violence.  But there are also those ordinary teens who, in a flash of anger like Conor's example, can turn to that available gun.

It is not just the mentally ill, therefore, who kill but people who lose control and judgment during stressful situations, which is a good justification for the examination of gun laws. People can kill with their bare hands, with knives and with other weapons, but the availability of the gun presents the victim with far less time for defense. That's why the gun creates the greatest widespread threat to the safety of the community. Experts tell us that verbal violence, sarcasm, blaming and name-calling are often the behavioral characteristics that can be predictive of people who can become problems for themselves or others. The anonymity of the Internet fosters these behaviors, which experts remind us can create a toxic environment where anger can be acted out in other social situations.

Anger and conspiracy theories help to fuel the potential for violence.

 

 

How 'enabling' helps cause violent and maladaptive behavior

[caption id="attachment_17234" align="alignright" width="235"] Assault Rifle was owned by Adam Lanza’s mother[/caption]

Carol Forsloff — The recent school shooting in Newton, Connecticut, has people talking about the environment that facilitates violence. Perhaps one of the more overlooked aspects, however, is that of the enabler, whose "helping" behaviors reinforce the worst behaviors. Sometimes this simply means not speaking up and confronting the behavior itself, therefore allowing it to continue.

The enabler, in the classic sense, is the one who sees love or help as giving in to the wishes of an individual who has problem behaviors.  This giving in may mean buying drinks for the alcoholic, repeatedly bailing out those who get into trouble,  ignoring the problem and hoping it may go away, or making excuses and rationalizations for those who have serious problems.

In the case of Adam Lanza, his mother had guns in the house and it is reported that she took her son to a rifle range to learn how to shoot. It also has been reported that she often spoke for her son and tried to develop some sense of socialization through her involvement with him. Adam was said to be a high-functioning individual with autism spectrum disorder, once defined as Asperger's syndrome, and an individual without a normal understanding of emotional and physical pain. Yet he was allowed to play violent video games and learn to handle guns. Newspapers report how his bedroom in the basement of the family home was filled with posters of assault rifles and military equipment. In some respects, this is in part an enabling behavior on the part of the parent.

In a greater social sense, the enabler is the one who sits by, listening to the violent speech, the angry remarks, the physical confrontations, the prejudice, and the hate that have become commonplace in many situations, including social media. Within families, the enabler allows the errant family members to continue their negative behaviors for fear of losing their love or creating family divisions. Yet, that enabling also exacerbates problems, as the individual being enabled never learns the consequences of doing things that may be harmful to himself/herself or others.

"I have a right to say what I want" or "They have a right to their own opinions" are often statements used by people to defend negative, prejudiced, or violent speech. This right is upheld often by the enabler to shield the problem person from any negative consequences.  Yet in doing so, the behavior continues, as it is reinforced by the very act of listening to it and acknowledgment of the person's right to continue to speak or act in ways that hurt others. Instead it needs to be confronted for what it is, a problem that will likely continue or even get worse.

The Daily Kos makes a credible argument about what folks need to do to stop problem behavior and not continue to feel guilty about it.   The argument is used concerning child abusers, but it could be applied to other social and behavioral problems.

"So don't be guilty. Do your bit to be part of the solution, not a contributor to the problem. Set aside your reluctance to discuss the behavior of Grandad, or Uncle Dave. If their behavior toward children is inappropriate, don't let it go. Most abuse still happens between adults and kids who are very well known to each other. Most abuse is happening in families, or within very close circles around you. It may not be happening in your family, but it is in many."

Whether it is child abuse or other social problems, experts tell us that by not speaking up and not confronting the problem, we simply allow it to foster. One of the ways to end violence in our communities and in our schools is to confront it in our families, social groups, friends and within ourselves and not be afraid to take responsibility or fear rejection, as the consequences of enabling or ignoring the problem are too great to ignore.