My Word Is My Bond

Dad's Point of View Column - Bruce Sallan - Do
you remember the old phrases, “He is as good as his word,” or “My word
is my bond,” or “A handshake is all I need (in the way of a deal)?”What happened?

Do
you remember when we didn’t think lawyers were the first people we had
to call before we made a deal? Do you remember when a contract was just a
page or two?  Do you remember when your friends returned your
phone calls promptly and a RSVP meant something? 

What
happened?  What happened to someone following through on a commitment of
“Yes” or “I’ll get back to you?” or “I’ll be there.”  I fear our
children will have fewer of these kinds of business or personal
encounters.  The irony is that we have much faster and easier methods
of communication yet all it seems to have done is to make life more
complicated and less trustworthy.  

I don’t like
this change.  Not one bit.  And, frankly, I still rail against it,
and expect better of my friends and those I work with.  I know that
having expectations usually only leads to being let down, but I can’t
help still hoping that people will behave as I try to do--with a sense
of honor, follow through, and respect. 

My former work life
should have taught be well not to have these expectations since showbiz
is notorious for its flakes and deal breaking.  But, I never got used to
it. Late in my showbiz career, a good friend betrayed me, and it really
broke my heart in a way from which I never fully recovered or regained
my enthusiasm for working in the entertainment business.  I left
that business shortly thereafter.  As with so many things that seem bad
at the time, I look back at that incident as a positive life change,
though it didn’t feel like it at the time. 

Now I am better
at minimizing my expectations in launching my second career as a writer
and, more recently, as a radio show host. To get my column launched, I
sent out thousands of e-mail messages addressed to specific editors,
publishers, webmasters, and others in charge at newspapers and websites
across the country and, later, around the world (only in
English speaking countries). 

Yet, I still had
modest expectations that some small, but reasonable percentage of the
recipients of my e-mail messages might take the time to read some of the
samples I sent and respond.  Maybe they’d say, “Thanks, but no thanks”
or, better yet, maybe they’d say, “Love your writing; we must have
it.”  

I got about a 2% response rate and about a ½% “we’d like
to have your column” response.  That comes out to one out of every
200 e-mail messages I sent led to my column being carried by a newspaper
or website.  The first of these, I might add, was The Santa Barbara
News Press when Arthur Von Wiesenberger, one of its publishers, sent me a
wonderfully warm e-mail response offering my first “official” job as a
columnist at a paper.  

But, one out of 200!  You need thick skin
to take that kind of rejection.  To be clear, that meant that 196 out
of the 200 e-mail messages that I sent were either not read, deleted, or
rejected as spam--who knows? 

The other thing that puzzles me
occurs in my personal life and also relates to e-mail messages.  As my
mind and interests are varied, I used to like to share a variety of
links, music, photos, jokes, and such with my friends.  Over time, it
became clear that most preferred not to be bothered.  This is yet
another puzzling change in human intercourse. 

My more recent
experience in trying to secure sponsors for my radio show was the straw
that broke this camel’s back.  Naturally, the first places I sought
sponsors were with friends in businesses that I thought would be a good
fit with my show and audience.  

However, as I’ve stated earlier,
the methods of doing business seem to have changed.  I got lots of
encouragement, lots of “I’m interested,” and ultimately lots of “I’ll
get back to you” with few actually getting back to me at all. These
weren’t strangers that I sent unsolicited e-mail message to but, rather,
people I worked with, I hired and paid for their services, and in some
cases considered friends.  And they, too, were not being up-front and
honest.  

Why wouldn’t they just say “No?” I followed up several
times until it became clear that they were unable or unwilling to give
me that “No” as if ignoring my request could possibly be better?  Or, as
my wife has suggested and is probably right, they just had other
priorities in their lives and would get to it on their schedule, not
mine.  And, that is the lesson for me to learn and to pass on to
my boys. 

My boys will live, work, and play in this different
world where common courtesy often is the exception, but if they
understand “the game” they will be better prepared and
less disappointed.  Business will still get done and friends will still
be friends. . They will eventually enter and have to learn to deal with
this “brave new world” in which business and personal affairs
are conducted in such a haphazard and unprofessional manner.  

But, I still don’t like it. 

Please
listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at
11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the
Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the
show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com.
Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100
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