Three Wooden Crosses

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan - I have the joy of living across the street from a beautiful man-made lake. There is always roving fowl and other wildlife in and around the lake and it’s an ideal
location for an early morning walk. Often, I listen to music and often I am inspired by ideas along the way. On recently hearing the Randy Travis song, Three Wooden
Crosses, I had to write a seasonal column based on its message. 

The first time I heard Three Wooden Crosses was at a Randy Travis concert just a few short years ago. The lyrics captivated me and it’s become a favorite song of mine
ever since. Country music often tells stories that have heartwarming messages. I’m a sap for that stuff and I love it. And, the holiday season just magnifies those
emotions for most of us. 

Let’s take a look at the first words of this song, which begin telling the story: 

A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher,
Ridin' on a midnight bus bound for Mexico.
One's headed for vacation, one for higher education,
An' two of them were searchin' for lost souls.
That driver never ever saw the stop sign.
An' eighteen-wheelers can't stop on a dime. 

In a few short lines, we are on high alert that a tragedy is coming. We’ve met the characters and we’re hooked. Who will die? Who will survive? What lesson will we be
told?

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway

Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.

I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,

It's what you leave behind you when you go. 

Ah! One person survives. Who is it? We don’t know yet. But, the chorus has revealed the heart of this song’s message and the part that GOT me, “it's not what you take
when you leave this world behind you,   "it's what you leave behind you when you go.” 

Those of you that follow the A Dad’s Point-of-View Facebook Page know that every Sunday is #Faith Sunday in which I ask the same question, “What are you doing to
repair the world?” I then share a link to something that I hope is inspiring. 

That expression about repairing the world comes from the biblical expression,“Tikkun Olam,” which literally means to repair the world and is expressed in the
Bible as an obligation of our lives. When I began my second career as a writer, my first goal was to make a difference (in the lives of parents). So, this song and its
message resonate very strongly with me. 

No one on their deathbed wishes they’d worked more! No one on their deathbed wishes they’d had more possessions. No one on their deathbed wishes they’d had more fun.
Mostly, we wish we’d spent more time with and touched our loved ones. And, mostly we hoped that our lives had some value and that the world was a better place for our
having been here. 

The song continues,

That farmer left a harvest, a home and eighty acres,
The faith an' love for growin' things in his young son's heart.
An' that teacher left her wisdom in the minds of lots of children:
Did her best to give 'em all a better start.
An' that preacher whispered: "Can't you see the Promised Land?"
As he laid his bloodstained bible in that hooker's hand.

Again, the song reels us in and we think that the hooker has died holding the
preacher’s Bible. But, like every good country song, there’s a surprise a-comin’.

That's the story that our preacher told last Sunday.

As he held that bloodstained bible up,
For all of us to see.
He said: "Bless the farmer, and the teacher, an' the preacher"
"Who gave this Bible to my mamma,
"Who read it to me."

The first time that I heard this last part of the song, I was completely suckered in. I loved it. I had to immediately get the song and hear the story again. Again,
that last line of the chorus struck me to the core: 

I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you; It's what you leave behind you when you go. 

As we head into the mania of the holiday season, I ask you to reflect a little less on the shopping and cheer, and a bit more on what your life purpose is. What impact
do you want to leave the world? Is that promotion more important than attending your kid’s soccer games? If you miss that business convention to attend your daughter’s
recital, will you miss anything of lasting importance? Have you helped someone in need or bought the newest iPhone?

What are you doing to Repair the World?

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Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio
host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz
career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE
Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also
his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites
worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce
and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that
Bruce hosts.

Because I Said So

Bruce Sallan--A Dad’s Point-of-View,  --My birthday and Dad’s birthday happened at the same time this past month. Dad is my Andy Kaufman alter ego, though I will never admit that Dad has any resemblance to me! We each celebrated our birthdays in our own ways. For me, Social Media added a dimension to my birthday that was wholly unexpected.

Dad is the STAR of his own comic strip while I am its writer and Michael Vgood is its incredible illustrator. Dad shares billing with Son who bares a distinct resemblance to my younger son, who co-created the comic strip with me when it was originally called, It’s a Tech World After All.

Note: Because I Said So is now available only on BruceSallan.com but is being offered to newspapers and other web sites. Please ask your local paper to finally update their comics page with this timely strip. Below is one of our favorite ones.

I often speak about the value of Social Media and the importance of Social Media in helping Dad and Mom be the best parent they can be. Social Media is where your children live, after a certain age. And that “certain age” is getting younger and younger.

At the Apple Store recently, I spoke with the mother of a toddler who was getting an iPad for her 14-month old baby! She said many of her friend’s babies had begun using them before they had begun to speak!

So, there is no time to lose for parents to familiarize themselves with Social Media and the many emerging technologies that they may have been slow to adopt. This doesn’t even include the incredible value it will provide to each one of you in your own lives, on top of its value to your parenting.

My birthday proved to be a dramatic example of its personal value and one that took me completely by surprise. Dad, of course, is always in his own (cartoon) world and is more or less oblivious to almost everything!

I have a daily Social Media routine. It is quite consistent and quite enjoyable.  Occasionally, it becomes mildly burdensome but most of the time it just provides joy and a wonderful outlet for my non-stop desire to ramble, talk, share, and learn.

Every morning begins with checking my e-mail, tweets, and updating things on my web site and A Dad’s Point-of-View Facebook Page. While I also have a Facebook (personal) profile, I don’t tend to go there as frequently.  On my birthday, no different than any other day to me, I followed this daily ritual.  First, I read, deleted, and/or replied to my e-mail. I updated the News of the Moment on BruceSallan.com, which I do each morning. I posted my morning post on my Facebook Page (an afternoon one is posted every week-day). I checked a couple of other web sites that I routinely use.

Then, I went to my Facebook profile page. What I saw actually brought tears to my eyes. What I saw were 123 birthday greetings! It took refreshing the page several times to be able to actually read them all. I was so moved, I couldn’t move!

Some of these messages were simply, “Happy Birthday, Bruce.” Others included an image or a link. And many had something extra to say about my role as an advocate for dads. EVERY one of these people took a moment out of their busy day to wish me well.

I’d gotten similar greetings in past years, but not near as many. This past year has been a big growth year for me via Social Media and the number of friends and followers I had had grown exponentially.

The rest of my day was equally terrific as my boys each gave me a hand-made card. My younger son, who co-created the comic strip with me, gives me a personal drawing each year. This year he gave me his own different comic strip with the REAL me as its star. My older son, who had already written my radio show theme song AND made a music video of it, gave me a card with a very sweet message that surely isn’t common for an older teen to do!

My wife gave me probably the best and most generous birthday gift I’d ever received.  It was a genuine Tourbillion watch. We had seen this specific watch several months prior when we’d gone to the jeweler that had made her wedding ring. Alan Friedman, our wonderful jeweler, explained the story of this watch and I just swooned. It was way beyond what I was willing to spend. Evidently not for my wife.

The day concluded with a birthday dinner in which my wife made my favorite meal. It consisted of her slowly baked, melt-in-your-mouth, short ribs, her macaroni-and-cheese casserole, stir-fried greens, and her oh-so-decadent pumpkin cheesecake.

As for Dad, I can only guess what he did. But for this real dad, Social Media and my family MADE my birthday!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio

host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz

career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE

Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also

his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites

worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce

and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that

Bruce hosts.

Everybody Hurts

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan - I took today’s column title from the very great REM song, Everybody Hurts.   I also happen to love The Corrs’ version of it as well. The lyrics are incredibly deep for a rock ‘n’ roll song, though I’m not sure that REM can be so simply classified in a music genre. Regardless, these lyrics are important and touched me the other day as I was walking and thinking. I do some of my best thinking when I walk around a small lake near our home.

Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts.

Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand

If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

(Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe)

Senseless Deaths

There have been a number of senseless deaths among high school kids in our community recently. Some by their own hand, another by an accidental drug or alcohol overdose where his friends, and I use that word loosely, apparently stood by when he died, afraid to call for help. Tragic.

My older son knew one of the boys who took his own life. In fact, that young man had slept over at our house numerous times. They grew apart when my son was no longer interested in hanging around kids whose number one interest in life was partying.  But, they had history and my son was deeply affected.

He was also angry. Angry at his perception of the selfishness the act of suicide is so very often. Angry for the hurt this young man left behind. Angry at the violence of the act he chose and the spit-in-your-face message he seemed to be sending his parents. Apparently, his parents were only guilty of indulging their son too much, but that is another topic altogether.

There was a candlelight vigil at my son’s high school. I attended. Everybody hurt.  Everybody was touched.

It is human nature to compare ourselves with others, to think that others may have it better, easier, or be luckier than we are. And, it’s usually not true. As the mother of a friend of a friend said, “The ONLY happy people I know are people I don’t know well.”

If ever there was a truism, it is that. Everybody Hurts. Everybody has his or her demons. They’re just not your demons.



Empathy is a Gift From God

Empathy is a gift from God. Empathy gives you the choice to try and understand another person’s hurts, feelings, and emotions. Empathy is a good thing.

These deaths in our community briefly rallied people around the idea that we need to reach out to those we know are hurting. We need to encourage them to seek help, seek counsel, and seek spiritual relief.

I challenge YOU to look a bit closer at those you see who might need a helping hand.  I challenge you to step out of your own worries and problems, as large or small as they may be, and direct your energy towards helping others and really seeing others.

They may need YOU.



Life Returns to Normal



What struck me the most was my son’s comment the day after the memorial, candlelight vigil. He was still reeling from the events, still very much affected, and was stunned at what seemed to be just another normal day at school. He declared, “How could it be just another day at school?” with a degree of confusion and angst.  I comforted my son and reminded him that most people are caught in their own struggles, and that many people at his school didn’t know his friend and maybe just didn’t care. I reminded him that not everyone feels the same about any particular event in their lives. And, I reminded him that he couldn’t possibly really know what was going on inside the hearts and minds of all those that he perceived had just returned to the normalcy of school life.



Nothing Replaces Real Life!



I’ve often extolled the virtues of Social Media. The invaluable wonders that meeting people from all over the world has provided me and so much more that we all can receive from Social Media. I’ve encouraged parents to step out of their comfort zones and join the worlds of Social Media simply to be in the same worlds that their children live in.

All the extolling notwithstanding, NOTHING replaces Real Life! Just as I’ve extolled the virtues of Social Media, I’ve been very clear that those relationships that have extended beyond the confines of Twitter, Facebook, texting, and e-mails are the relationships that have ultimately mattered the most (to me).

This is where the Everybody Hurts idea comes back into play. Social Media and superficial intimacy are just that – superficial. People only open up when there is comfort and a feeling of safety and trust from their friends and family.

Please realize that Everybody Hurts and please take the time to look into the eyes of those you love, your friends, and maybe reach out a hand, a comforting word, and touch another person. Nothing feels better.

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Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio

host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz

career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE

Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also

his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites

worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce

and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that

Bruce hosts.

Why Dad and Mom Need Social Media

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan --

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I play tennis with an old friend who has a cell-phone that probably came out around the time the first iPod came out. Heck, he doesn’t even know what an iPod is. Or how to text, use Twitter, or how to “like” a Facebook Page. IMHO (in my humble opinion),he is not being the best parent he can be. To be the best parent in these technological times, you must employ Social Media.

My other friend, Steve, resisted texting until I prevailed upon him to learn it,since his two boys were getting to that cell-phone appropriate age. To be a smart parent, you need a smart phone. If you have a smart phone, you need to know how touse it. Steve now maintains regular contact with his boys via texting. Yet he, too,resists all other forms of Social Media (hereafter referred to by the acronym, SM).

The common Urban Myth about Twitter goes something like this:Me: Hey Steve, why aren’t you using Twitter?

Steve: Bruce, I love you man, but I really don’t need to know that you’re at the market, shopping.

That is the common misperception about Twitter. Yes, when it first came on the scene, some people were so jazzed by it that they did declare every little thing that they were doing. Like all new things, Twitter settled into maturity with its present use bearing no resemblance to the above-referenced Urban Myth. I follow and am followed by many thousands of people. My Twitter stream is like the old fashioned stock ticker tape. It is constantly active and moving, yet the number of tweets that resemble this misconception is fractional.

Twitter is used to spread news so much faster than any contemporary means. When Steve Jobs died, I learned about it within minutes of the news via a tweet. And, ironically, at that time I was at a very well known Venture Capitalist firm that was revealing its new SM idea to selected SM mavens, of which I was mistakenly included.

The irony of hearing the sad news about Steve Jobs at that moment was being in an environment where Jobs was viewed as a superstar, an icon, an innovator of generations, and a world changing individual. The further irony for this middle-aged dad was recognizing that I could be the biological dad of just about everyone that was present at this firm.

My personal journey in SM mirrored my tennis buddy and Steve. My initial thoughts were that I didn’t need that stuff. I was fine with my landline telephone, going to Blockbuster and renting VHS cassettes – who needs a DVD player anyway – and otherwise doing the typical parental habit of dissing all that followed everything I learned in high school and college. Ipod? SchmyPod. I had my LPs and cassettes.

Twitter? Me? Heck if I’m going to fritter away my time! Facebook? That weird Mark Puckerbug guy! Phooey.

Something told me I needed to learn SM.  I began my SM journey when I hired a SM consultant to teach me the ropes. Essentially, I hired a tutor. I went back to school. I began truly exercising my brain. Each new device, new web site, new trick I was taught challenged my comfort zones, my expectations, and helped me stop being my parents. I started to get it. I started to understand the value of SM, the value of staying current, and I’m not talking about current events.

With time, I actually eclipsed by own boy’s SM activity and knowledge. They still laugh at my one-thumb typing on my iPhone and my younger son will always offer to do it faster for me. But I’m more active and involved than either of them in SM. We follow each other on Facebook, we send each other photos by text, email, exchange thumb drives, and we text constantly. Their friends follow me on Facebook and some even “like” my A Dad’s Point-of-View Facebook Page.

I have what I call “Virtual Friends” all over the world. A “Virtual Friend” is someone that I’ve met via Twitter, Facebook, or another SM means and I’ve had regular contact with but never met or even spoken with. Some of them blossom into RL (real life) friends and some become great assets for my work and enriching resources for all that I do.

My own #DadChat, a Tweet Chat I host every Thursday evening, has resulted in so many incredible contacts. Plus, and I kid you not, my brain power, memory, and learning skills have come back from the dormant state they were in during the dark days of my divorce and the immediate time after.

This knowledge gives me insight into my sons’ lives that I would not otherwise have.  My tennis buddy tells me his wife does all that stuff. Steve says it can wait. I say they’re both full of ca-ca. The time is now. Learn it now. Don’t play catch up. And, you may find the same joy and pleasure I’ve found via SM.

Social Media has increased my connection with my boys, made me more knowledgeable and aware of their worlds, and brought me untold hours of joy. Get involved with Social Media now. Not only will you enjoy it, learn, and grow but also you’ll completely enhance your desire to be the best dad or mom you can be.

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Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.

Holidays, Rituals, and Traditions

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Bruce Sallan  --Holidays are both wonderful and for many difficult time. Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, when they have lost a mother or father, isn’t a Hallmark-Cards good feeling.  The Christmas season, when people are apart from loved ones can also be challenging.  In contrast holidays can be joyous and create family traditions that transcends generations that a holiday like July 4th can bring.

The Christmas Season, when people are apart from loved ones can also be challenging. In contrast, holidays can be joyous and create family traditions that transcend generations. This past July 4^th struck me in this way as I felt both good and melancholy since my boys were apart from us.

My older son, heading towards age 18, is appropriately at that stage in his life where hanging out at a family BBQ isn’t his ideal of a good time. He hung with his friends much of the weekend, while my wife and I went to two BBQs. My younger son is away at camp so I have no idea what he was doing and he’s too busy to write more than the one letter in over two weeks. This doesn’t quite match the six long letters I wrote, filled with clippings, photos, and other stuff I knew he’d appreciate.  But, I’m not feeling neglected.

Our biggest family tradition is our Friday night dinner ritual.  We honor the Sabbath by lighting candles, saying a blessing that welcomes the beginning of Shabbat, and blessings over the wine, kids, and challah (I make my own special recipe for this sweet traditional egg bread).  But, our own unique tradition is sharing the “Bests and Worst” that happened to us the previous week.  Yes, only one “Worst” is allowed, while the “Bests” are unlimited.

I began this tradition when my boys began to talk. When they were that young, their contributions were few and often they required some prompting like, “Didn’t you go to Disneyland this week?” or “What about your birthday party?”  By doing this on a very regular and consistent basis, it truly became a Sallan Family tradition that we all treasure.  I’ve written about “The Family Dinner” and I continue to believe eating together, as a family, is an indispensible tool for bonding, learning, and loving.

Since the boys are now teenagers and my wife and I are quite busy with our respective careers, family sit-down time and “sharing” like this happens more infrequently than I’d prefer.  But, happily, we’ve all grown accustomed to sharing our “Bests and Worst” and we do so now unhesitatingly.  I’ve asked my older son to make his Friday night plans after dinner and he honors that request with little resistance.  When there’s a special occasion for the boys, they will be excused, but we all know it must be “Special.”

For many families, Thanksgiving and Christmas are their meaningful traditional holidays.  Both holidays tend to inspire larger get-togethers in which each family has their own history of rituals.  These special occasions define “Family” in my opinion. Ritual. Tradition. Holidays. They are signposts in our lives and theses “Signposts,” and they give our children tangible things to remember, to hold onto, and to pass on to their own families.

Our “Bests and Worst” tradition was inspired by attending a friend’s dinner where a version of this ritual was done.  We modified it for ourselves and it’s become so very important to us each Friday evening. I actually find myself reflecting on what I will say earlier in the day.

Religious people have rituals that extend to their religion’s particular holidays and values.  As we’re a mixed-faith, mixed-ethnicity couple, we have had the fortune of enjoying each other’s family and faith-based traditions.

Ironically, I’ve become maybe even more attached to my wife’s church after getting to know one of the pastors there, Pastor Drew Sams, who has become a regular on my Radio Show for the “Teen Rap” segment. I was actually stunned when I suggested to my wife that we attend recent services in which Pastor Drew would be presiding.  That was a change I’d never expected due to my attachment to my own faith, Judaism.

But, Pastor Drew speaks so well, from the heart, and his values and mine are pretty identical with only the role of Jesus being a slight differentiating belief.  As the Youth Pastor at Calvary Church and a young man himself, he brings a level of wisdom, youth, and insight to his sermons and to my show.  I’m grateful and blessed to know him. It never would have happened if my wife hadn’t encouraged me to attend her church, her ritual.

In a nutshell, I will unequivocally conclude that rituals, traditions, and holidays can be the glue that binds families that give extra meaning to those special times of the year, and are beautiful events upon which to build your family history.

I would love for you, my readers, to share some of your special family rituals and/or holiday traditions.  We can all learn from each other and maybe add something to our own family that we hadn’t done before?

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Bruce’s first book, A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation is available at Amazon and the store at BruceSallan.com: http://brucesallan.com/index.php/store. Bruce Sallan’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is carried in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide. Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View,” his one-hour radio show, which is available anytime, via live stream, or to download for free on BruceSallan.com.  Everything about Bruce’s radio show, including which stations carry it “live,” and all of Bruce’s writing and other information, is accessible at: http://www.brucesallan.com.  Bruce created and launched a website for those who would like Tech help, called BoomerTechTalk (http://www.BoomerTechTalk.com). Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

Computer Addiction, Technology, and Me

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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan -Technology has me in its grasp. It won’t let go. It’s got me by the proverbial -what do you call those things you juggle? Is this “Computer addiction?” I didn’t realize that I was its victim until I reflected on my growing use and, yes, dependence on “My Tech!” But, saying I’m its “victim” is a large exaggeration since I’m really its beneficiary and it has changed my life, mostly for the better. My second career is a total result of the opportunities that modern technology and “Social Media” provide.



My younger son recently said to me, simply and with no malice, “Dad, you’re completely addicted to your computer! See, it’s there in the back seat. You’re always on it.” Of course I protested that it’s my work and it isn’t “Always.” I replied that wasn’t that the same exaggeration I do when I accuse him of “always” watching too much television? He just gave me a look. His take on me, technology, and the fact that he’s a teen and I’m his dad, is reflected in his “It’s a Tech World After All” cartoons that he created for BoomerTechTalk.com.

On my recent trip to Southeast Asia, I bought a “package” of Internet time on the cruise ship. The speed was lousy and the cost was outrageous. I mean “Outrageous!” I complained as if this was a life-threatening issue. I got extra minutes. But, wait a minute, it isn’t a life-threatening issue and I was supposed to be on vacation!

So, what is the truth, the reality for technology and me? Well, let’s start with the fact that I love my second career as a writer, radio show host, first time book author, and website co-creator. I get up every morning, between 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m., no matter when I’ve gone to sleep, and can’t wait to check my e-mails, see what website comments have been posted, choose and post my twice-a-day musing on my “A Dad’s Point-of-View Facebook page, read any twitter mentions that may have been posted, schedule my round of tweets for the day, chat with a friend across the globe, and/or just begin writing something new. Yipes, I’m out of breath just writing and reading that last sentence!

I have a smart phone that I check every 10-15 seconds or so when I’m away from my laptop. While in Southeast Asia, I was as excited by the occasional free Wi-Fi we occasionally stumbled upon in some port as I was by the extraordinary sites and other experiences we had. I sat on ledges, in those ports, with my laptop in my lap, alongside the cruise crew who were doing the same thing and video chatting (via Skype, iChat, or another program) or regular text chatting with their friends and family.

No, I’m not addicted. My Boomer Tech Talk partner's reaction to this notion was, "To me: addiction would be someone who is truly not working and is sitting on Farmville (note: Farmville is a popular online game)." It is my job. I'm in a start-up period with my first book just published (go to “the Store” at BruceSallan.com to get info and/or purchase “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation”), my radio show growing, and the continued work on Boomer Tech Talk. It’s just temporary.

The fact that it’s been like this for over two years doesn't really matter, don’t you think? Hmmm. Hold on a sec, I’m getting a text.

I’m back. My wife is calling me down for dinner now. “Hang on, Honey, I need to finish this great column I’m writing.”

Point, set, match. I am attached, to use a kinder word. And, like every other addiction or obsession in life, we must find balance and boundaries. I love what technology is giving to me, and to my work. But, life is more than e-mails, texts, URLs, Twitter, and Facebook. Isn’t it?

Technology is an inescapable and wonderful part of modern life. It can help everyone with his or her work, to communicate better with friends and family, and to even be a better parent. Yet, life has a Ying/Yang balance that must not be ignored when one thing becomes too dominant in a daily routine or that someone really can’t do without it.

Isn’t that the real test? Can I do without “My Tech?” The answer is mixed. When I’m skiing, I’m in heaven and not thinking about the next article, e-mail, text, or Tweet. But, when I’m on the lifts, I’m checking my “smart phone” regularly.

I need to improve on that balance and put my technological toys and tools away more often when they’ve got me in their grip. I think I’m going to read a book now…(after
dinner)…”I’m coming, Honey…”

______________________________________________________________________
Bruce’s first book, A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation is available at
the new store at BruceSallan.com: http://brucesallan.com/index.php/store. Bruce
Sallan’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is carried in over 100 newspapers and
websites worldwide. Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s
Point-of-View,” his one-hour radio show, which is available anytime, via live
stream, or to download for free on BruceSallan.com. Everything about Bruce’s radio
show, including which stations carry it “live,” and all of Bruce’s writing and other
information, is accessible at: http://www.brucesallan.com. Bruce created and
launched a website for those who would like Tech help, called BoomerTechTalk
(http://www.BoomerTechTalk.com). Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s
Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow
Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

Sallan has been a regular contributor to The Real Views and subsequently Green Heritage News and admired for his wise words and information from Dad's Point of View.

My Word Is My Bond

Dad's Point of View Column - Bruce Sallan - Do
you remember the old phrases, “He is as good as his word,” or “My word
is my bond,” or “A handshake is all I need (in the way of a deal)?”What happened?

Do
you remember when we didn’t think lawyers were the first people we had
to call before we made a deal? Do you remember when a contract was just a
page or two?  Do you remember when your friends returned your
phone calls promptly and a RSVP meant something? 

What
happened?  What happened to someone following through on a commitment of
“Yes” or “I’ll get back to you?” or “I’ll be there.”  I fear our
children will have fewer of these kinds of business or personal
encounters.  The irony is that we have much faster and easier methods
of communication yet all it seems to have done is to make life more
complicated and less trustworthy.  

I don’t like
this change.  Not one bit.  And, frankly, I still rail against it,
and expect better of my friends and those I work with.  I know that
having expectations usually only leads to being let down, but I can’t
help still hoping that people will behave as I try to do--with a sense
of honor, follow through, and respect. 

My former work life
should have taught be well not to have these expectations since showbiz
is notorious for its flakes and deal breaking.  But, I never got used to
it. Late in my showbiz career, a good friend betrayed me, and it really
broke my heart in a way from which I never fully recovered or regained
my enthusiasm for working in the entertainment business.  I left
that business shortly thereafter.  As with so many things that seem bad
at the time, I look back at that incident as a positive life change,
though it didn’t feel like it at the time. 

Now I am better
at minimizing my expectations in launching my second career as a writer
and, more recently, as a radio show host. To get my column launched, I
sent out thousands of e-mail messages addressed to specific editors,
publishers, webmasters, and others in charge at newspapers and websites
across the country and, later, around the world (only in
English speaking countries). 

Yet, I still had
modest expectations that some small, but reasonable percentage of the
recipients of my e-mail messages might take the time to read some of the
samples I sent and respond.  Maybe they’d say, “Thanks, but no thanks”
or, better yet, maybe they’d say, “Love your writing; we must have
it.”  

I got about a 2% response rate and about a ½% “we’d like
to have your column” response.  That comes out to one out of every
200 e-mail messages I sent led to my column being carried by a newspaper
or website.  The first of these, I might add, was The Santa Barbara
News Press when Arthur Von Wiesenberger, one of its publishers, sent me a
wonderfully warm e-mail response offering my first “official” job as a
columnist at a paper.  

But, one out of 200!  You need thick skin
to take that kind of rejection.  To be clear, that meant that 196 out
of the 200 e-mail messages that I sent were either not read, deleted, or
rejected as spam--who knows? 

The other thing that puzzles me
occurs in my personal life and also relates to e-mail messages.  As my
mind and interests are varied, I used to like to share a variety of
links, music, photos, jokes, and such with my friends.  Over time, it
became clear that most preferred not to be bothered.  This is yet
another puzzling change in human intercourse. 

My more recent
experience in trying to secure sponsors for my radio show was the straw
that broke this camel’s back.  Naturally, the first places I sought
sponsors were with friends in businesses that I thought would be a good
fit with my show and audience.  

However, as I’ve stated earlier,
the methods of doing business seem to have changed.  I got lots of
encouragement, lots of “I’m interested,” and ultimately lots of “I’ll
get back to you” with few actually getting back to me at all. These
weren’t strangers that I sent unsolicited e-mail message to but, rather,
people I worked with, I hired and paid for their services, and in some
cases considered friends.  And they, too, were not being up-front and
honest.  

Why wouldn’t they just say “No?” I followed up several
times until it became clear that they were unable or unwilling to give
me that “No” as if ignoring my request could possibly be better?  Or, as
my wife has suggested and is probably right, they just had other
priorities in their lives and would get to it on their schedule, not
mine.  And, that is the lesson for me to learn and to pass on to
my boys. 

My boys will live, work, and play in this different
world where common courtesy often is the exception, but if they
understand “the game” they will be better prepared and
less disappointed.  Business will still get done and friends will still
be friends. . They will eventually enter and have to learn to deal with
this “brave new world” in which business and personal affairs
are conducted in such a haphazard and unprofessional manner.  

But, I still don’t like it. 

Please
listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at
11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the
Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the
show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com.
Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100
newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining

his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.