How does it work?
Trial separations are most often arranged in conjunction with working with a marriage counselor. These are for couples who want to work through their concerns. If either spouse wants a divorce, a trial separation is not recommended by most marriage counselors. Your counselor will advise as to the length and boundaries of the separation. This could be something like a six month break with no contact other than counseling sessions or dates as advised by your counselor. You will also have to work out the financial side of how the bills will be taken care of and how time with the kids will be managed.
Will a Trial Separation Save My Marriage?
Every marriage is different, but the goal of a separation is to save one in trouble. Although the thought of making such a drastic change to your daily life can be overwhelming, remember that you have a long-term goal to achieve. Here are some benefits of a trial separation:
Reduces Stress—Your house should be your safe haven and comfort zone. When you and your spouse are living together in a tense environment, your comfort zone instead becomes a place of stress and unhappiness. During your separation you can have a break from the tension in your marriage.
Gives You “Me” Time—Spend your time apart to explore the hobbies you have not made enough time for or find new hobbies and interests.
Reminds You of Your Independence—Sometimes in marriage you come to a place of co-dependency. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it can become one when you forget that you can, and sometimes should, do things independently.
Reduces Fighting—If you have children in the home, it may be difficult for them to comprehend that you are taking a trial separation. However, if the tension in your marriage has created fighting that your kids are witness to then a separation will give your kids a much needed break from the fighting, too. Talk with your marriage counselor about the best ways to explain your separation to your children.
Gives You Time to Reflect—This could be a reflection of so many different areas of your life. You will have time to reflect on what it is you enjoy most about your partner, instead of focusing on the recent tension. With some time and space away from one another, you will also have the opportunity to look at your marriage from a different perspective, and you may be able to see more areas that you can adjust to work toward the common goal of saving your marriage.
If you and your spouse decide that a trial separation is the best way for you to reconnect with one another, look at it as an opportunity to grow. Absence truly can make the heart grow fonder, especially if you get to a place where you are taking each other for granted. A trial separation can help you get back to your common goal of creating a healthy home and a happy marriage.
About the Author
This article was contributed by Sandy Wallace, an aspiring lawyer who loves to share his far-reaching knowledge of law with anyone who will listen.