Ugly American haunts U.S. foreign relations

The Ugly American film portrayed the arrogance of Americans that Kennedy attempted to end with the Peace Corps ideas.[/caption]

Carol Forsloff---"I'm an American.  I drink beer, eat meat, and speak English!"printed on a tee shirt worn by a gray-haired man watching Fox News at a motel on a Saturday morning is a reminder of that ugly American image so often considered by people around the world as representing U.S. opinions about others.  A tee shirt slogan tells anyone who reads it of an arrogant attitude that continues to foster suspicion and distrust that haunts American relations internationally.

The man sat in the middle of the motel breakfast room where everyone entering could see his shirt and recognize a negative attitude about anyone perceived as different.  It was reinforced by a message on Fox News that repeatedly focused on Obamacare and the shortcomings of the current President, Barack Obama in putting diplomacy ahead of force against those who differ with American ideas.  Surrounding the man were a group of people traveling from the United Kingdom, visiting the United States.  The message on a shirt is surely one they might remember when they travel back to Europe, underlining once again how what Americans think and say in casual circumstances becomes a permanent image for others about attitude and prejudices that can influence foreign policy.

On another occasion, in Bali, the couple at the hotel desk, shouting about "those people here" giving bad service echoed through the lobby, as people stood and stared while they listened to rude remarks by an American in a public arena.  International travelers paused to grimace slightly, shrug and turn away.  Americans traveling in another country, represented by the loud and boorish statements, communicate to other travelers, and to the Balinese service personnel, once again the ugly side of American behavior and beliefs.

The film, "The Ugly American" made in 1963 offered a glimpse of that American attitude in the personality of the conservatives who debated the appointment of Harrison MacWhite, played by Marlon Brando, as Ambassador to an Asian country named Sarkan, a newly developed nation.  In the course of the film, MacWhite tangles with the local leadership over the building of Freedom Road, a U.S. sponsored highway considered to be an example of American imperialism.  When MacWhite is unable to complete his assignment and returns to the US mainland, this summary is provided in a critic's overview of the film, "He explains in an interview with the press that to help the countries of Southeast Asia, Americans must understand their internal problems before inflicting a way of life upon them. As his words are carried to the United States by television, an uninterested viewer switches off his set."The statement becomes the core realization of how an American diplomat makes wrong choices and ends up bungling his job, as the example of that ugly American, with the uninterested viewer reflecting the attitude that it really does not matter.

In the 1960's President John F. Kennedy hoped to establish a different image of America as a country that provided service to underdeveloped countries, through an organization called the Peace Corps.  The idea was to send Americans to live and work with residents in countries that needed support in education, industrial development, agriculture and other areas.  The concept had been the brainchild of Hubert Humphrey, then U.S. Senator from Minnesota, who had opposed Kennedy in the Presidential primaries,  but the implementation of the program began under the Kennedy administration.  The hope was to change that image of the ugly American so that foreign relations might also improve.

Despite the Peace Corps, foreign aid, and Americans devoting time, money and effort to help people around the world, especially during disasters, what many people see is that boorish individual who wears a shirt that declares he represents what the United States truly believes.  So efforts to reach out to others are seen as manipulative as opposed to caring and concerned.  Perhaps it is the reason why folks take the help, then turn their backs on reciprocity in international relations, especially when significant differences arise and the United States needs help in persuading people to take action in some special way.  That action might be global immunization programs or difficulties created by global warming, as two examples of areas where universal support is critical for many.  With the ugly American image, portrayed by the media, repeated on tee shirt slogans and bumper stickers and reinforced by the behavior of folks traveling to other countries, it becomes increasingly difficult for the United States to sustain leadership when global action is needed.

As foreign diplomats grapple with international problems, climate change, the potential of Russia's encroachment into East European countries and other issues, the value of American leadership is important in managing crises in a way that might avert global conflict.  A message on a tee shirt can be a monumental assertion to those who watch and listen and wonder if Americans care about anything or anyone but themselves.

While Kennedy's pronouncements and programs are often cited as representing the best of America's leadership and stature, the undermining of the message of caring and inclusion continues to stress diplomacy.  The ugly American is a reminder to many that the country that says "I care" and offers tangentially leadership and hope for a free world for everyone continues to struggle with itself and its mission.

A message on a tee shirt for some might simply be incidental on a day when many things occur, however it represents to others a much larger issue, and that is how we relate and think about our neighbors can offer a far better protection against aggression than the big stick or the gun can do.

Satirical perspectives from a look back at the '60's on Birthday Island

Birthday island garden

Carol Forsloff---The shredded refuse lies just beyond the trees, the remnants of the raft that floated to these shores from the ship in the middle of the night. It has been so long, as memories remain keen about what seems sometimes just yesterday. Yet it was long ago, when I was young and hopeful and looking forward as other youth those days to the vibrant 1960's. The hope remains I will be found one day, so I am sending this letter on what I think might be my birthday, remembering and wondering how everyone has fared these years long gone for me but mixed with thoughts of love that keep the loneliness at bay.

I have been on this island for a very long time. I had been sailing with friends when I fell into the water, finding the rubber raft descended in the dark and drifting further away until no one had found me as the night sky with no stars brought only silence until a few days passed. The water all around me glitters in the daytime sun, in the middle of I know not where and how just far away. Every year I write a note and seal it tightly in a bottle so one day it will be found. One day the bottle floated back, tightly with its lid but without the note inside. So maybe friends have read it and perhaps I will be found.

It was 1963 when I awakened and found myself here in this place, where no one else has come for many years. Yet I survive, day after day, watching and waiting for a boat, a plane, a sign of someone arriving to take me home again. I will be forever patient, writing another letter, with that hope---no knowledge---I will be found, and soon.

I remember watching television just before the journey that brought me here in that fall of '63. President John F. Kennedy was on Huntley-Brinkley going to give a campaign speech someplace in Texas. He really is handsome. He is very old right now, over ninety years, for I was young and listened to his words. His life would be so rich with such a loving family all around, especially Robert, since those brothers seemed so close, close enough that some might think they could share their women too. And Jackie, John's sweet wife, is always beautiful in her fashionable suits and hats that somehow I can never picture her with a gray-haired husband.

I wonder who won the election in 1968 after Kennedy's second term. I know some people think Robert would make a good President, and I have often wondered if he was elected too. Somehow I rather prefer Senator Humphrey from Minnesota. I've liked him since reading his introduction to a textbook on desegregation and besides once he takes a stand on something, he never changes his mind. Maybe Adlai Stevenson got another chance to be President in spite of his divorce. Rockefeller is another man I have always liked a lot because as my husband, Frank, once said, “You gotta admire a man who's been married to the same woman for 25 years.

At least Nixon got out of politics after he made a fool out of himself in 1962. Wish I knew what was going on.

And poor Frank? I guess after all this time he went and married someone else. Maybe he had a kid or two or even three, I hope. He always liked kids, he said, so raising them and putting them through college would not be difficult. After all the future has been so bright for everyone, with college cheap and all those good jobs folks can get with a good education.

College was such fun. I remember it so well those years ago.  We were passionate about so many things, and all my friends and I were active in civil rights movements as well. Dr. King would now be in his 80's and likely made a difference with his work over all these years. I just hope he never got involved in politics.

I think of my brother now who got a job with the railroad just after I started college, and I wonder how he is. It was such a stroke of luck to start training as a conductor in an industry with such advancement possibilities and job security.

My old friend, Larry, is surely now retired. He got a job writing for the Seattle Post Intelligencer, a newspaper with great potential, likely thriving still today. The country needs good journalists, for certain, since newspapers have always been a reliable source of information that everybody trusts.

Whatever happened to my good friend, Jeanie? I often think of her. She was such fun but a bit of an oddball too. I wonder if she still thinks that the Communists are behind fluoridation.

I'd like to travel when I get back home, but I would not go too far away unless it's something special and I can take my friends along. But I'd like to visit New York City and walk around 42^nd Street one night and take in a movie.

I've learned to harvest food here, where the land is fertile and the rains bring fruit and flowers all around. Back home it's too bad farmers have to burn potatoes and throw grain in the river because they don't have enough storage. Maybe we could sell some to a foreign country like Russia.

How beautiful it must be in California now and how prosperous as well.  Frank told me, the day I left for that fateful boat trip years ago, how clean and clear the beaches are in California, the water all around, so plentiful and flowing, like the very fountain of youth., that we might want to move there. It must be fun to live in a place like California where you can buy a house so cheap and travel with such quiet reflection along uncluttered roads. For sure I would consider moving there to have that simple life if I am ever found.

I worried about Myrna and still do. How I wish I had been there to have consoled her for the mistakes she made when we were all in school. She was such a pretty girl, but how she ruined her whole life, deciding to live with her boyfriend in another town to have her baby, so no one would find out. But we all knew, and that meant Myrna might never find another man if her boyfriend let her go. After all, living with some guy can scar a girl for life.

We sent a man to the moon those many years ago and I'll bet now ships go to Mars. Maybe that's the trip that I can take with friends someday. No President would ever want to end the space program, leaving Russia's Sputnik to prevail.

I have to end this letter now and hope it finds you well, whoever you are and wherever you are when you find the bottle with my note inside. It is my birthday, yet I don't know and really haven't for a long, long time these many years have passed. I am old now, and my hair is gray, but then one day is like another when you have no way to measure time except the sun and stars.

The silence deepens for awhile, and morning comes again. I seem to hear the sounds of footsteps on the sandy shore. I hold this bottle in my hand, for a toast of celebration, as a hopeful heart looks forward to those good, old days again.

The case of the missing socks and other unsolved mysteries

Missing socks are like other mysteries, where everyone has an opinion, some more unique than others

  Carol Forsloff---More than half dozen individual socks were put aside after finding each one had no mate, and like many other people who launder, the frustrations make us wonder whatever happened to the missing socks and how that relates to other mysteries that make folks wonder.

 

Missing socks aren't just a male issue. Women lose socks, just like men. Children lose socks. Sometimes they turn up in some other person's pile, but most often the lost socks never turn up at all, just like other things that perplex and fascinate and offer opportunities to reflect on the element of mystery involved.

 

Those of you who wonder where socks go when they can't be found in the laundry can find some simple answers at Answer.com. The practical answer is that the socks can get caught around the drum in the washer or become attached to the vent area of the drier. One writer offers this practical solution: “I have started using undergarment nets when i wash anything like socks, bra's, etc. I have found many times where they get stuck like in sleeves of shirts and pants legs. But the nets work fantastic. They are mesh bags that you zip up and the soapy water can go through the bag and still wash the items.” But that's the easy answer, of course. There has to be some mystery to the missing socks, otherwise they would not go missing and have so many people involved in the search. 

 

But then there are the conspiracies. Just call me A.J.tells us his version of the missing socks as this: "They run off with pen lids and morph into traffic cones..."

 

And Reef says, giving us his solution to the mystery of the socks, as they are “gone to the island of lost socks.”

 

Everyone loves a mystery, and the socks offer a host of assumptions about what happens to them. It is a mystery without a solution, it seems; as folks have tried those tried and true methods of pinning socks together, putting them in mesh bags, cleaning the washing machine rim and any crevice where a sock might hide; and somehow one of them gets away, never to return to either feet or drawer.

 

It is true with many things in life. We get hints about what happens, like the drum in the washing machine and how that might impact socks. Still the problem keeps coming back, and as we get older, it only gets worse. With faltering memories, who wants to help an old man or woman find missing socks when most folks would simply think they were lost due to memory inefficiency. But again, that does not solve the mystery either. It just offers another story to resolve what people can't conceive might happen, that socks get lost everywhere and could be anywhere.

 

The mysteries of life are much the same as those socks. We wonder why we cannot die, then come back and speak of our experience, so the stories of life after death, however briefly the accounts might be of near death experiences, fascinate us. We believe in ghosts, talk to our dead fathers by a graveside or even while playing a favorite board game and asking what move to make. We want to believe there is something extra, mysterious, unknown for some, that somehow we are able to understand because we solve the mystery. We know that life is eternal because we hear of near death experiences, and the mystery of life and death is solved.

 

So it is with many things in life that appear a mystery. We can hear or read reasonable explanations for what seems to be impossible, but sometimes the conspiracy theory, or the mystery, is what we cling to after all, for it satisfies that part of us that wants to be the one who knows the secret, the mystery of why things happen as they do. We can then share our solutions with our friends, and they too will join with us in the amazement of the stories and ideas that an event might bring.

 

It is a mystery that John F. Kennedy was shot one day in Dalles by a single gunman, so it could not be just that. It must be a grassy knoll figure, who, in league with some dastardly group --Russian communists, left-wing radicals, right-wing anarchists, or some other shadowy organization-- that offers just the right ingredients for a conspiracy theory to sound plausible. Marilyn Monroe did not commit suicide, we may think, because why would someone so beautiful suddenly kill herself unless there was a man who had spurned her and the grief so overwhelming that she had to die, of course. Or better yet, the lover, in order to quiet a very public woman like Marilyn, not wanting his political career sullied, finds a way to get her killed before she has a chance to make a private affair so public that the public rejects the lover, even one who seeks to be President of the United States.

 

A plane, like Malaysian Airlines Flight 370, is lost over the deepest ocean, and the nations of the world offer solace with their planes, their ships, and their speculations. It was the pilot, some will say, bent on political vengeance. Or someone on the plane had a vendetta with the government of Malaysia or another passenger. Better yet, one of those extra-terrestrial creatures that come in unidentified flying ships and are seen in streaks at night over cornfields in Iowa and the English farmlands has taken the plane and all its passengers to that planet in the sky where others claim to have gone and returned.   But will these passengers return?  Potentially, the theory might say they decided to stay, and why then becomes a mystery too. 

 

Missing socks are mysteries, and everyone loves a mystery. So if yours are missing, tune in to television or the Internet for speculations abound on everything from missing planes to Marilyn; and there has to be another opinion just in case the others aren't enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Killing fields in poor communities encouraged by government laxity,availability of guns

“Satan himself lives here in San Pedro. People here kill people like they're nothing more than chickens." San Pedro Sula's continuous tragedy are the murders there, but even more than that are the financially and socially poor communities all over the world who live and die in those killing fields, a pattern in the world that increases violence in those areas where people are more vulnerable.



In 2013 San Pedro was listed as the most dangerous city in the world. It continues to have that distinction, and as the mortician quoted above in The Guardian maintains, it is a place of great tragedy with the numbers of people killed numbering about 173 out of every 100,000 persons annually, a consequence of government laxity.



What makes this Honduras city so dangerous? Drug trafficking, gang violence and political corruption are said to be the chief ingredients in a mix that has made the city a place where every day there are stories in the newspapers about gangland killings, drug deals gone bad and revenge murder everywhere.



Honduras is just one among a number of cities in Central and South America that has a high rate of homicide. The problem continues to be the trafficking of drugs, but it is also the politics where local officials are often close to the drug lords or afraid of the kings of the trade and therefore are ineffective in combating the violence that has engulfed many cities.



Indeed, as The Guardian says, the same problems that have made San Pedro a dangerous city are those that impact much of the rest of Latin America. According to reports the 20 cities with the highest homicide rate are in Latin America, with the sole exception of New Orleans.



In the United States Camden, New Jersey is said to be the most dangerous city in America with Portland, Oregon one of the least dangerous. Experts tell us there is also a high correlation between percentage of African American residents and crime, so New Orleans, Kansas City, Detroit, Cleveland and Atlanta are among those places.



The Grio, an African American newspaper, examines the problem of crime in the black community, by examining the statistics of Nebraska that has the highest rate of black murders. It has a murder rate higher than either Pennsylvania or Michigan. In general murder rates are increasing in the African American communities of the Midwest.



Violence is said to be tied to high poverty levels in these areas. That is especially true of Omaha. Nebraska is that exception in the sense it does not have a high African American population. But Omaha have many in the black community who are socially and financially deprived. And it is Omaha where the African American community is concentrated. Much of the violence is gang-related, just like the problems of Latin America, where the cities that have the highest rate of murder have gang wars and violence that makes certain areas particularly dangerous.



African Americans are four times more likely than other ethnic groups in the United States to be murdered, and most of the killings are done with guns, according to research discussed by the Grio. Guns remain the favored tool for violence of all kinds.



But even as black men are more likely to be killed by guns than white men, the National Rifle Association has been targeting the group for greater inclusion in its gun advocacy. A campaign last year focused on associating the Civil Rights struggle with the need to have guns to protect oneself from the government. The following is a related quote offered by Colion Noir, a YouTube celebrity:

“No one wants to fight for their protection, they want the government to do it. The same government who at one point hosed us down with water, attacked us with dogs, wouldn’t allow us to eat at their restaurants and told us we couldn’t own guns. [...] The only person responsible for your safety is you. Cops can’t always be there. Obama definitely can’t be there. Guy telling me to get rid of my guns when I need them the most, isn’t my friend, isn’t looking out for my best interests and doesn’t speak for me or the community that I’m part of. “

In Latin America corrupt officials in government turn a blind eye to drug trafficking and the crime associated with it. Government is considered part of the problem. In the United States, however, the FBI has been hard at work trying to undo the damage caused by gangs and drugs, yet the gun trade continues to flourish, especially in the poor communities populated by minorities, most especially African Americans.



And while the government itself may not have the type of corruption found in Latin America, it does have one thing that keeps the guns and gun sellers busy, the former with killing and the latter with making money, and that's gun advocacy and the message that it is every man's right, and need, to have a gun.



Don't trust the government is often the message of gun advocates, as underlined by the advertising seducing the poor and encouraging them to buy guns. The mantra of “don't trust the government” is repeated in conversations, in social media and by ordinary folk, even in those cultures, like the United States, that has a democratically elected government. The Gallup Poll found out, for example, that 72% of those polled either don't trust their government or only have a fair amount of trust in it.



Police are an arm of the government, and if that is the message of gun advocates that one must arm himself or herself against the government, that would include arming people against the police as well. The suspicion of authority continues to be encouraged by the political right, according to experts; and it is that suspicion that authorities and researchers tell us helps facilitate distrust even as the communities heavily populated with the poor continue to be the killing fields.

Granny gets her man; senior online dating

Online dating sites are everywhere it seems, as they are advertised on the Internet and on television in ways that entice people to sign up so they can meet that love of their dreams. Every age and cultural category appears to have its own particular dating site, with overlaps as well, so people can join a site that has every race and age and those sites exclusive to one particular demographic. But do these sites work out well for seniors looking for love or to love again and can Granny get her man that way?



Consumer rankings.com offers the best five they believe are best for seniors, beginning with Zoosk, they describe as “hands down the best dating experience.” After that is Our Time, eHarmony.com, Mate1.com, and Match.com. Consumer ranking tells us the latter site offers the greatest number of potential matches with its more than 9 million members.



With these sites to choose from, seniors have an opportunity to find companionship or that permanent relationship others seek. Still it is a new way of meeting people that might either confuse or amuse a senior.



George joined one of these groups. He just retired at age 65 and said he was ready to find someone he might be compatible with for outdoor activities. George is an avid sportsman, enjoying fishing, hiking, boating and outdoor activities. He lives in Florida, a place that offers opportunities to meet many senior women, but George said he would “give it a try” as he wanted to find out if the dating service might be superior to just incidentally and accidentally meeting some woman, then being disappointed, as that had been his experience with the local scene.



So George investigated Our Time.com. He was impressed with the photos at first. Many of the women were somewhat younger than George, although there were women older and younger as well. He decided to take a chance, went through the procedure of filling out information and signing up. After providing a general description of himself and offering his email for identification and contact purposes, he browsed the site to see who he might want to meet.



It was fun at first, he said, but after several matches he found that the women weren't quite as described. Many of them said they were sports-minded, but when he met them, they seemed to know little about his areas of interest. He determined their answers about sports were a ploy to make contact, and he wondered what else might be hidden, information he might find disappointing.



For George, the online dating was an amusing interlude that somehow didn't compare with “the real thing” as he describes it. He said, “I like to meet women in person not online, I guess. It's okay to make friends, but I guess I am old-fashioned and find it all a little bit intimidating.”



George is one among many who try online dating services and are disappointed. On the other hand, there are success stories as well, as each site has its share of testimonials.



Senior Life offers information for seniors who want to participate in an online service in order to find that special someone. The site claims seniors are joining these online dating sites at greater and greater numbers, since the social contacts seem to be more limited for seniors in general. The advice from senior life to seniors is not to be tempted to lie about age or looks and not to fall for the best looking person right away. Take time to study pictures and biographies, read carefully, and make a careful, thoughtful choice is the major advice offered.



Because online dating is growing, AARP teamed up with an online dating site to offer services for seniors. That online dating site is called HowAboutWe, that not long after it began had 1 million members. The desire to find a match has been a growing phenomenon online, so it appealed to AARP, an organization committed to looking for interests that correspond with senior needs.



HowAboutWe has a unique concept. That concept offers people a chance to make a recommendation on how to meet and what to do, as clues for compatibility and interest. It might be “How about we sit in on a ukulele class” or “How about we take a walk along the river near downtown,” activities in the local area that might be appealing.



A senior living site quotes Erin Scottberg, media director for HowAboutWe.com as saying “allowing seniors to come up with fun activities is a 'much more natural, organic way to get an idea of somebody's personality than a static, one-dimensional profile. As further explained on the site, “Seniors can use these date ideas to find others who share similar interests and presumably carry out the activities once they find a match.” The site offers suggestions and allows seniors to come up with their own ideas as well.



Approximately 20% of those participating in online dating services are seniors. They are attracted more and more to the convenience of the Internet and the broad way of offering social contacts that allow privacy and yet some level of protection at the same time. Seniors can choose where and how they meet and chat and write extensively even before meeting in person. Various news programs have underlined the growth of senior online dating, and as the sites continue to grow in popularity, they must be doing something right, as there are now more than 1000 dating sites to serve an ever-growing need to find the right person, no matter the age.

Escape from the family. Why do some leave permanently?

Family traditions of eating together

Carol Forsloff---He never returned. The family had seen him last in town at a bar, having a drink with a group of friends. Most of the time those getaway occasions were brief, and he came home as usual, dropped into bed with a grumble, after a few goodnight declarations to those in the family still awake. Now he was gone, escaping from the family permanently and like others who do this, he left many questions, along with the sadness that came with his departure.



While we often hear of a father getting angry with the mother, the quarrel resounding through the home, like so many children hear; and then one day dear Dad walks away. This is the stuff of movies and of heartache. It appears to be a common enough theme in novels and films, as the main character speaks of being raised by some hard-working mother after the father skipped town. The allusion is that he left for some other woman or to chase a forever dream. Or folks speculate he leaves because he has been downtrodden by the boss at work or the wife at home. Many times these reasons are indeed the reasons why the father leaves the home, but often it is more than. Besides it is not just the father who leaves, or even the mother, but siblings as well who move away, either physically, psychologically or both, never to return to the family bosom. The pain from the absence can impact a family unit for years, with many of its members wondering why and wondering if one or all of those remaining were somehow to blame for the loss.



She was not even 30 when she left home, moved as far away as possible, only to write occasionally and then one day not at all. She told her friends and family she was leaving for vacation, even though she had quietly quit work and made arrangements for the long away move and the long time absence that was to come.



Margaret was the beauty of the family. She was catered to and adored by its members. In many ways she could do no wrong. Yet she had left the family that had thought of her in some ways as the adored one, admired without jealousy; but then she left without a fond farewell. For years the family would hear from her, but seldom, and one day not at all.



The disappearance of Margaret worried the family, although they knew the move from California to New York was a great distance, and that she had talked about having a life in a big city where opportunity would be greater than in the small California town she had left. They knew, however, she was well, for in those infrequent contacts she would say so. The family went on, with brothers and sisters having children, as Margaret's father, then her mother died, with Margaret remaining far away, with only a phone call to declare “I'm so sorry, but you might not understand.” Those words, however, could not explain the years between.



This type of behavior is not uncommon, and the reasons for leaving are various. Sometimes the leaving seems to offer no clues as to those reasons. Ordinarily, however, they have been festering for some time before the departure date. Sometimes there are regrets, but as time passes, the regrets turn in to why return, if there is no connection remaining that makes sense.



Experts offer some of the following reasons to explain why family members abandon their family. The reasons are based largely upon effects from “inherited ancestral wounds” that occur from an adult

• 
  
  the role (responsibility) or relationship was unwanted, and/or was accepted without understanding what it required; or...


• 
  
  the person feels chronically overwhelmed by responsibilities and/or stress (discomforts) in a relationship, role, or group (like a home or family); and/or...


• 
  
  s/he feels incompetent, guilty, and ashamed of "failing" a dependent person and/or obligation; and s/he...


• 
  
  (a) doesn't see how to correct these stressors, and loses hope of improvement; or (b) s/he doesn't want to correct them. 

For Margaret the issue had been the responsibility of a child out of wedlock in her teen years, giving the child up for adoption at the urging of her parents and feeling hopelessly overwhelmed with the experience, guilty and angry all at once for wanting to keep the child, yet knowing she could not, as she did not have training for work and was still mostly a child herself. She felt guilty for having the child and the relationship with the boy that had ended badly while angry with the parents for not wanting to raise the child themselves. Margaret did not fully understand her parents were older when she was born and not in good enough health to raise a young child because she focused on her own hurts, seeking an escape from the people who knew her past, as she left to find a new life.

But why do parents abandon their children? Often people say they simply cannot understand why any parent could ever leave a child. But as one woman discovered, in her search for answers about this behavior, parental abandonment can be part of family patterns. The child's parent abandons the family; the child grows up, has stresses, and leaves the family just like the parent. It can be a family pattern that to the individual feels familiar, normal and without the stigma and embarrassment it might cause for others who have not experienced the same behavior. 

A common experience occurs when someone becomes very ill. It is often then feelings of abandonment occur, whether the abandonment is real or simply appears that way. It is common, however, for family and friends to drift away when someone has Alzheimer's disease or cancer, as people will say, “I just can't stand to see her (or him) that way,” not realizing the pain that might cause the sick or dying person. Those who are left feel rejected at the very time they need family the most. But the reasons for the abandonment may be as complex as those given for family members leaving the family core itself. Sometimes the responsibility becomes overwhelming, and it becomes simpler simply not to look in the face of the person being left, as time moves on. 

Leaving the family core may be an easy or difficult decision, the one who leaves to avoid the pain of remaining and the rest of the family hurt by the leaving. It is, however, something that happens to many people as an ongoing puzzle that is often never completely solved.

Save money on funerals: Be buried at sea

Sailors conduct burial at sea

Carol Forsloff---While the cost of everything is going up, so is the cost of death.  The average cost, according to experts, for the basic funeral and burial in the United States is approximately $9000.  Some people have insurance, but many do not.  One option for saving money on funerals is to be buried at sea.

The costs of a funeral are broken down like this, as observed by one expert in the funeral business:

• fee for the funeral director’s services: $1,500

• cost for a casket: $2,300

• embalming: $500

• cost for using the funeral home for the actual funeral service: $500

• cost of a grave site: $1,000

• cost to dig the grave: $600

• cost of a grave liner or outer burial container: $1,000

• cost of a headstone: $1,500

These costs can be more or less depending upon the area of the country.  In Hawaii, for example, the costs are somewhat greater because land is scarce, while in the South the costs may be less, depending on the quality of the burial container and casket, which are two items that are often pricey for most people.

Burial at sea can be elaborate or simple, and most people choose the latter.  Certain expenses can be similar to ordinary funerals.  For example, those who charge a fee for officiating is one constant.  However, many of the other costs are not necessary because of the nature of the burial itself.

For the military, burial at sea is a long tradition and one that takes place often with great ceremony.  The following is a listing of the various aspects of the ceremony that is part of naval tradition.  Some of this type of recognition ceremony can be used for civilian funerals, but for the most part those with military background who choose burial at sea will have closer to a traditional military burial than a civilian one.

The committal service is as follows:

• Station firing squad, casket bearers and bugler.

• Officer's call. Pass the word "All hands bury the dead" (the ships should be stopped, if practicable, and colors displayed at half-mast.

• Assembly.

• Adjutant's call (Call to Attention).

• Bring the massed formation to Parade Rest.

• Burial service.Fire three volleys (Attention, Hand Salute).

  • The Scripture (Parade Rest).
  
  
  • The prayers (Parade Rest, heads bowed).
  
  
  • The Committal (Attention, Hand Salute).
  
  
  • The Benediction (Parade Rest, heads bowed).



• 
  Taps. Close up colors. Resume course and speed at the last note of Taps (Hand Salute)

• Encasing of the flag (Attention).

• Retreat (Resume normal duties).

For civilians there are certain requirements to be buried at sea.  And people choose this method of burial all over the world.  The ceremony may involve a burial casket, an urn of ashes, a sailcloth shroud or simply the scattering of the cremated remains from a ship.  The ashes are mixed with concrete to make an artificial reef.

Some religions embrace burial at sea while others are not favorable to this method of treating the dead.  Catholics and Muslims, for example, prefer burial on land.  For a Catholic, if a person is cremated, they prefer the ashes to be buried on land.  Muslims prefer to be buried deep underground so scavengers can't reach the body.  A Muslim may be buried at sea if there is no other way to dispose of the body or if there are concerns that an enemy will savage the body.  Various Protestant groups allow burial at sea, and the Anglican Church specifies a particular ritual to be used.

Burials at sea are advertised for as little as $150.  And you don't have to be there, as that price includes a photographs of the ceremony or a video and a certificate commemorating the event.  For a party of 6 either aboard a boat or on shore watching the ceremonies, the fee is $399.  There are various charter boats for the services and a number of departure cities as well.  Another company out of New England offers burials at sea also from various ports and advertises a complete, respectful ceremony with all the trimmings, and a phone number to reserve a spot on a yacht for some deceased relative or friend, together with a group and all the trimmings.

So burial at sea is for you, then you don't have to travel far to secure an arrangement, either on the East or West Coast.  You will save money, have a nice river or ocean ride, and when you look at those waters, it is anticipated you will remember the person who is buried there as well.

Crystal healing: Is it hype or hope?

Amber Pendant

The antique store carried a small crystal pendant, a fascinating piece of jewelry one might think, even as the store owner said it had special powers because it could offer healing.  Many people believe crystals can heal, but is this hype or hope for people who suffer from illness or pain?



The use of crystals, according to those whose expertise is in their uses as well as historical and social aspects, dates back more than 30,000 years.  The first were amber beads, amulets from the Baltics and from Britain have been found that were used as adornment.  But others found stones useful for both mental and physical health.  Egyptians used them for health and protection, for example.  Hematite was associated with the God of war.  Amethysts were used to prevent drunkenness and hangovers.



Crystals have been used in healing for as far back as recorded history, as many have observed; however in searching for research evidence, those interested maintain they have not been able to find that kind of definitive proof.  However, the long record of man's use does offer the idea that people had to place upon a stone some type of special power.  In fact it is said that crystals have been used by virtually all cultures of the world for mental, physical and spiritual healing or protection.



Crystal healing is described by some as a "pseudo-scientific or alternative medicine technique that employs stones and crystals as healing tools.  The practitioner places crystals on different parts of the body, often corresponding to chakras, or places crystals around the body in an attempt to construct an "energy grid." which is purported to surround the client with healing energy."



While many people point to the benefits of crystals in the healing of the mind, body and spirit, those who debunk the practice say there is no hard evidence crystals actually have any special powers.  Instead those who question the practice say it is a cultural bias or has the placebo effect where people believe in an object's powers and attribute any positive gain in relationship to that object.



There is evidence that what someone believes can heal or help can actually provide benefit, because of the nature of belief itself.  It is likely that belief that makes crystals work for some people but not for others, while at the same time they remain part of man's eternal jewels for beauty or for benefit.

New world 'neighborhoods' offer more chances for rebellion or peace

 

Protest

Carol Forsloff---In the ancient world, if a man opposed the leader of his tribe, he had two choices.  One was to leave the group and forage for food and survival without the support of a group,  which often meant death from being without the physical comfort and safety of a community. The other was to kill the tribal leader, and that would be difficult in areas of isolation where interdependence was key to individual life.  Limited communication meant there was little possibility of finding and being included by another group.  Individuals relied on one another, bringing about stability that facilitated the development of civilized societies, that the expansion of modern communication can either solidify or destroy.

The new technology allows us to talk over phone lines to people in many different parts of the world.  Often we don't have to be tethered to a desk to make a call, and we also have the capacity to not only hear someone speak but to watch individuals and large groups interact.  Our tribe no longer consists of a small village of people but instead offers us the opportunity to interact with millions of people.  We can watch what happens in one part of the world, and even if our personal circumstances may be somewhat different than what we are see occurs physically far away, the close interaction we have with people through the Internet means our neighbor is perhaps a whole continent away from where we live.

That closeness that evolves from the Internet can mean very positive human growth.  Doctors can observe each other in the treatment of patients and advance their skills.  Musicians can collaborate on a piece of music and don't have to rely on finding artists in the local community.  But that new neighborhood also means that we begin to identify with one another in negative patterns as well as positive ones, which means increased opportunities to adopt the patterns of protest that occur somewhere else.

Revolutions have been with man for centuries, but in the ancient world it could take years for one tribe to learn the status of another. Indeed for many groups the remoteness of villages and the relatively small number of people relative to the geography of the earth meant many people only knew the members of their own tribe.  An uprising within a group could be risky indeed if a rebellion was unsuccessful it would mean a gradual death by being exiled and facing environmental dangers alone or an immediate execution as punishment.  The modern world, however, allows man to observe others, find commonalities and adopt similar methods to express resistance and to rebel and to make preparations for that rebellion by enlisting the participation and support of people far away.

The Internet allows people to watch a revolution in Egypt, then turn the channel and see protesters on the streets of Seattle and move on to find people demonstrating against their governments in Asia.  The revolutionary group cries out for a change of leadership, and those same cries are echoed somewhere else, even if it is only just an echo, without a sound foundation to rebel.  We see the world as the neighborhood, and often the images foster feelings that promote strong responses.  So revolution can spread from one area of the world to another much faster when it is fueled by the prompting not just from one's close companions but neighbors thousands of miles away who can't feel the heat of the conflict but are quick to participate vicariously.  The armchair warriors can join the rebellion or start one of their own.  They can also bring easy answers to complex problems that can mean irrational rebellion that soon begins to spread.

Social media like Facebook brings people together who support or oppose certain causes.  It also means that when a revolution occurs in one country, supporters can be gathered among the members of communities around the world.   We see groups rebelling against a President somewhere, and it seems the problem is ours, even when it may not be.

In February 2014 rebellion is taking place in Venezuela, Syria, and the Ukraine against the backdrop of smaller and larger conflicts in other areas of the world.

While many people see modern revolutions and climate change as signs of the end times,  it may be that these patterns are part of the response to man's own behaviors in relationship to a new form of technology that has changed what the world now means to many.  It can mean expanding revolution or world peace, as the capability of learning from each other grows.

The censoring of the news a collaboration mostly with alternative media, political groups

Newspapers

While alternative news sources complain about government spying and secrecy and traditional news sources, who might be the most active in a form of censoring the news?

Mainstream newspapers evaluate what kind of stories consumers like, but they also have the responsibility to report the local news, which often means direct contact with sources.  Editors bear the responsibility of making sure assignments are given in reasonable fashion, involving the separate expertise of any given reporter, for a beat assignment.  And it is that reporter who examines and writes the news on that beat.  The specific orientation, or slant, of the story is supposed to be particularly on the parameters of what happened, as opposed to an editorial commentary.  There are other writers on staff who may offer opinions or editorials about news stories, however that is not the ordinary role of the beat reporter.  And the gate-keeping, in general, is the same for online city newspaper sites or print editions.

If the assignment involves something particularly tragic, several members of a staff may decide how to reveal names, dates and what details can be offered.  Often the main aspects of the story that are omitted are declarative statements that a person is guilty of something, even as arrests have been made, or the removal of a child's name or identity from a story.  For the most part, however, mainstream newspapers have a circulation that involves its local "audience" and whereas that audience may be dwindling with the advent of Internet and 24/7 Cable news, the fact is many people still maintain some allegiance to the town newspaper.

Alternative publications have more liberty to present different sides of a story, much of which can be helpful, but they also have the open territory for license, for stories that offer an agenda as opposed to a serious news story.  And to some extent there is also that degree of license to censor the news, to take out parts of a story that may not enhance one's point of view.  Newsmax.com offers an almost daily article about President Barack Obama, enhancing the negative point of view about his Presidency, along with polls that also foster the worst.  Alternative online newspapers are often the tabloid news of the digital world.

Bias may be in some ways part of all reporting, for the most fair and polished writer may still choose words that focus the reader in a certain direction more than another.  That form of censorship means the full story may not be provided but instead that part of the story that serves the purpose of the news outlet.

And many of these publications collaborate with political and social groups as well as businesses, because of financial relationships.  They may also be an arm of a political or government group, such as the publication, The Hill.    Advertising dollars from special interest groups can mean a good deal to a publication that wants to grow and maintain its staff and pay these people well.

So as censorship and all its ramifications is studied by the media and the culture, and folks debate over how much censorship should be done with respect to topics involving the government, it's clear that bias is part of the blogo-sphere, perhaps more than anywhere and involve those who most denigrate traditional reporters whose ethics offer at least some level of restraint.

African American and Gay Rights groups may be creating the opposites of inclusion, understanding

Martin Luther King preached inclusion

The impetus for civil rights in the 1960's came from protests about segregation and lack of equal opportunity, including voting rights, for African Americans.  Protests for gay rights have the same interest to promote equality and inclusion; but these objectives may not be met as groups, once identified as having dignity and worth, develop exclusive" clubs" of their own that reject others tacitly or obviously.

The first African American Miss America was crowned in 1984.  Although Vanessa Williams was to lose her crown because of photos taken in what was claimed as compromising positions with some nudity and with another woman, she was the first to be voted as America's most beautiful that year.  Since then other African American women have earned the crown, yet there remains Miss Black America that is exclusive to African American women.

Fraternities and sororities long ago were compelled to embrace students of all races and ethnic groups, yet on college campuses there remain quite separate fraternal groups and the designations that reflect them.

Media outlets also embrace that lack of inclusion in some arenas too.  There are "black" newspapers like The Root and The Grio and numerous local newspapers and magazines reflecting "black" themes.  The types of articles and orientation again make the pronouncement that these topics are exclusive and rendered primarily for a certain ethnic group.  What does it say when a media outlet pronounces its content as "Black News, History and Culture"  How many Caucasian writers have been embraced by most of them? The reasons given for this exclusivity is often that "white people" don't understand black people.  But do black people truly understand white people and does this exclusivity contribute to inclusion and understanding, which were the principal components of human rights issues stressed by civil rights protests.

The same issues have arisen with gay rights groups.  Gay rights parades decorate floats and signs maintain the value of the group as a cohesive one with integrity.  But there are organizations, special travel sites, choruses and all sorts of ventures that may superficially maintain they are for everyone, but the nature of the groups and their advertisements do not offer inclusion of anyone who is not gay.

So while society wrestles with its general problem of bad judgments, prejudgments and errors in human rights, perhaps some introspection needs to take place on the part of civil rights and gay rights groups that they not follow the same thinking they have declared they want to avoid---and that's exclusion that build prejudices of their own.

Climate change seen by anthropologists tied to social behaviors

Margaret Mead, pioneering anthropologist

Carol Forsloff---While geologists and atmospheric scientists examine physical aspects of climate change, other sciences look at anthropological or cultural aspects and world lifestyles.  That latter prism allows folks to look at historical timelines in terms of the behaviors of people, as predictions of the future comes from a variety of views.

A recent article in Anthropology News offers us its view of climate change that says the lens of archaeology the examination of how society has responded to early natural and later man-made aspects of climate change and how society has adjusted to these changes that can help us now and in the future.  For one thing, the movement of people has often come about because of changes in climate.  Climate has also played a part in the disintegration of some social systems and the development of others.  This lens also evaluates the type of challenges presented by climate.  It allows the examination of how others have dealt with making adjustments, including health implications that occur from global warming.  Various aspects of all this that include concepts like vulnerability, risk and resilience are assessed.  It explains also why some societies have adjusted and others haven't.  So it provides education and preparation for society as new events emerge from present global climate change activity.

The view of anthropologists also helps scientists to understand what impact the activity of people, such as in the Sochi games, has on long-term ecological survival.  Anthropologists tell us that Sochi has been considered a bio-diverse area with considerable environmental quality.  Although Russia promised to maintain that quality and work toward environmental preservation, the changes made to the natural environment, the extra traffic and building up of the area have instead caused damage, including the dumping of hazardous waste.

And despite all of the problems that manifest themselves as a result of climate change, anthropologists point to Margaret Mead, a pioneer in examining weather-related events associated with society's behavior, for her anticipation of many of the problems we have today.  In fact she organized a major conference in the 1970's, asking scientists and others to look at our world with a long-range view that included people behavior and the effects of that behavior on the environment.  And most of all she reminded us, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; it’s the only thing that ever has.”