Ways to enjoy the holidays and avoid being depressed

Valentine's Day tree

Thanksgiving Day has become an important one in the United States, with special dinners and other forms of celebration.  However, like the Christmas holidays, it can also bring depression, as can other holidays like Easter or Valentine's Day.   Some experts, however, remind us that whereas the holiday can be fun for many people, in many ways it can be a painful time for others, as it is a reminder to those without families that they are alone.

Sometimes the depression comes from believing that if an individual doesn't have a partner, he or she is somehow not as pretty, not as good as others or not as valuable a person in some way.  Much of this comes from issues surrounding self concept, which is why, if that's the source of the problem, then it becomes the foundation for therapeutic understanding and professional support, when that is available.  Being isolated from family at a holiday can be stressful.

The feelings of sadness that come with the holidays often develop from previous experiences and relationships.  The holidays can trigger memories, of good and bad times, of having people around or conversely having been alone on those special occasions and not knowing what to do.  For those people for whom the problem is not endogenous, i.e. a constitutional part of oneself, as depression can be, then there are ways to alleviate the negative feelings.  Much of that can be done pro-actively and also with attitude change.  It is the kind of advice mental health experts offer that can be helpful for many events and issues that might bring negative thoughts or feelings.

One way to change one's attitude is to avoid being bitter, jealous of others who are in a relationship.  Adjust the mindset.  Be happy for the joy in the lives of others.  Express it.  Congratulate friends and family who are enjoying one another.  People are attracted to folks who are upbeat in their own lives and who care for others.  That poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox that maintained the world will laugh when you do but will leave when you weep and will walk away has an element of truth in human behavior.

Go out.  Don't sit at home and mutter.  Instead mingle.  Don't go to those places where families tend to be in abundance.  Often there are those individuals who are also alone, or couples who go out on a holiday as a routine occasion, so the milieu should be comforting, pleasant and not overpowering with the numbers of people.  A holiday is also a time to visit a forum, attend a religious gathering or a media event.  It is also a time to help others for some organization or pick up some delicacy at that deli down the street where people of all sorts mingle.  Start a conversation on something different than the holiday.  Find something good about others and express it.

And finally think of yourself as whole, someone who has integrity within the self, who enjoys one's talents and qualities.  That aura of self-acceptance is attractive to others.

Finally, any day can be special if it is treated that way and the attitude to go with it is positive and upbeat.  A holiday is a day like others for doing good, being happy, offering positive movement in one's own life and taking charge of that.  It is often enough to get through those down times and often not only changes perspective but brings if not romance more friends into one's life.

Persistent anger may be a sign of depression, requiring expertintervention

[caption id="attachment_16648" align="alignleft" width="300"] Virginia Woolf - renowned author with severe depression[/caption]

Carol Forsloff---Ever wonder why that friend or colleague seems to be critical of everything and everyone? The negativity can be irritating, but it can also be symptomatic of a serious problem, depression, which experts remind us can be reflected as anger while it hides deep sadness and feelings of inadequacy instead.

The toxicity of sarcasm and negative remarks from someone that are constant and appear to be directed toward personalities, events and ideas in a scattered yet constant way can make us feel uncomfortable. The individual with depression, however, has more troublesome than just uncomfortable feelings, because the pain from within is being expressed as a way of gaining relief from that sadness that can cripple creativity and cause relationships to disintegrate. It is, however, an illness, one that is considered the most prevalent of the mental health problems in the modern world. The Centers for Disease Control estimates one in ten individuals suffers from depression.

The anger can be expressed in arguments, in passive conversations, in simple, social situations meant to be lighthearted and happy. Instead those occasions can sometimes dissolve into bitter times when the depression spills over into rage. Researchers found one of the underlying features of depression is conflict over the expression of anger.

It's difficult to relate to those who suffer from this common mental disorder, as what seems to be vacillation between anger and withdrawal offers inexact social cues to others in the environment, so that it is difficult to know what to say or do when trying to relate to a depressed individual. But there are characteristics that help us to identify when one of our family members, friends or colleagues suffers from this mental disorder so that we can understand, support and encourage instead of responding in anger or withdrawal ourselves.

Experts give us some of the warning signs of depression  as fatigue or a sense of hopelessness, persistent or frequent crying episodes, anger outbursts over what would ordinarily be considered minor events, loss of interest in normal activities including those that once brought pleasure, difficulty concentrating or remembering, having sleep disruptions or problems sleeping, poor appetite or overeating, aches and pains unexplained by a physical condition, and in particularly serious situations having thoughts of suicide.

Some of these warning signs may not be apparent to the passive observer, however those who interact with an individual who is depressed on a regular basis will begin to see some of them. It becomes a time for understanding; and if the relationship is close and one of trust, time to step forward and offer the wise advice of seeking help.

That help can come in many forms.  It begins with understanding and patience, for those with depression have problems with boundaries, as is the case with many people who suffer from some form of mental illness. Guidance to professional counseling intervention is also important, along with being that good friend who listens well and kindly. Professionals who offer treatment  will use a series of modalities for intervention once a diagnosis is made, including medications, various types of therapies and other techniques to facilitate insight and resolution. For those who suffer major depression, the therapy and medications may require years of support.

The good news about depression is that it is a treatable disorder and one that can be helped so that a person can lead a normal life and resume the enjoyment of hobbies, friendships, work and relationships he or she might not otherwise enjoy.

The next time someone fires off that angry note, accusation, or rude remark it's important to know the individual may suffer from depression. It is not always the case, of course, but it aids our understanding when the behavior becomes habitual and allows us to back down from conflicts that can overwhelm both the suffering, depressed individuals and those of us who live and work with them.

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Carol Forsloff is experienced and educated in both journalism and mental health and rehabilitation counseling, with a professional background of work with people who have been diagnosed with depression.

Depression reduced in cancer patients who share experiences online

[caption id="attachment_9474" align="alignleft" width="211"] Doctor and patient[/caption]

George Roy---Cancer patients are encouraged to join support groups in order to be able to express feelings,  to interact with others having some of those same feelings and to find shared experiences can promote understanding and positive thinking.  Now researchers tell us that maintaining a website or blog where one shares cancer experiences can also be helpful.

UCLA researchers have found that communicating with one’s close group of friends, or fellow patients, can help in reducing depression and can enhance an overall appreciation for life.

14% to 16% of cancer patients suffer from depression significant enough to need treatment.

Annette Stanton of the Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center and professor of psychology and psychiatry, maintains “From our own and others’ previous research, we know that expressing emotions surrounding the experience and gaining social support can be helpful for people diagnosed with cancer, and we know that interpersonal interventions can be useful.”

And experts also tell us that knowing the type of cancer someone has helps a patient understand treatment options.  On the other hand, survival statistics don’t tell the whole story, 2 because living with cancer, and finding some in remission, is individual and based upon other underlying health conditions, support groups and the kind of overall care one receives during the course of treatment and afterward.

Here are some of the risks to creativity from bipolar illness and depression

Carol Forsloff — Mental health scientists have long known that there is a higher percentage of visual artists and musicians with bipolar disorder and depression than the normal population.  But is this just a tragedy for the social order and those who suffer from the illness or are there benefits that can teach us about ourselves and bring compassion , understanding and art appreciation as well?

Even great scientists and politicians, who brought high creativity to their endeavors, have also been categorized with bipolar disorder or depression. Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin looked at life out of unique life’s lenses. As a result  of Darwin’s perception, we have an understanding about how man and all nature evolved. And as a result of Lincoln’s deep feelings about himself, and his integration of those feelings with all humanity, the Great Emancipator forged the documents and the government strength to win a civil war over slavery and abolish the institution of slavery as an institution in the United States.

Experts tell us that creative people with bipolar disorder and depression may be drawn to the arts or other ventures where innovation is the mechanism for generating ideas that are outside what many would describe as the ordinary boundaries of performance.

The American Journal of Psychiatry from 1987 found that in 30 creative writers, there was a higher rate of bipolar disorder. They also were found to have higher IQs. A study in the  Journal of Affective Disorders in 2007 also found a higher percentage of creative skills in bipolar patients than those without a diagnosed mental disorder. Some mental health experts maintain that creative people are drawn to the arts and certain sciences because in looking for ways to ease their personal pain, or to understand themselves and their universe, they use their perceptions to uncover new pathways, new ideas and new ways to express their art. In doing so, they become leaders and often great contributors to the culture.

Those individuals with bipolar disorder have periods of both mania and depression. In their heightened states, great mood swings can occur; yet often it is within that uptick of mood that creativity can abound, as demonstrated by great works of art done during these episodes.  And while researchers continue to look for medications and cures for these episodes, some researchers wonder if in doing so we will eliminate that mechanism for creative advancement at the same time. In other words, our cure, or our need to make “them” like “us” may in fact reduce a level of creativity in our culture that brings value to our culture for generations.

 

 

 

Apathy is a reflection of the times and the trouble we're in

[caption id="attachment_16648" align="alignleft" width="322"] Virginia Woolf - renowned author with severe depression[/caption]

Carol Forsloff — The world's environment is said to be in great trouble in most of the world. The Catholic Church is torn asunder by allegations, and evidence, of sexual abuse. Great leaders fall from grace, while others, like North Korea, rattle the nuclear saber in terrifying ways. And the rest of us? We give our views in gatherings large and small, at cocktail parties and Internet groups. So what stands in the way of our personal progress and group advancement? Apathy, the killer of ourselves and others.

It has long been written about that during the time of the Nazi regime, Hitler was able to take over Germany primarily because people thought what Hitler said sounded good, sounded true, and besides, given the economic instability, it was easy to shift the blame for that instability onto the weakest members of the community: the disabled, the old, the ignorant, the Jew. And it had a multiplier effect so that millions of people were killed and still many more millions emotionally and physically disabled the rest of their lives.

While the example of Germany is often used for illustration, it is indeed true that the extreme nature of the apathetic response became so pronounced that history will always turn to it as a dramatic example of how inhumane people can be when they wish to dominate or deny a problem.

Few people, however, when thinking about Nazism know about the White Rose Society, the group of students and professors who defied the Nazi agenda. Many were martyred and knew they were sacrificing their lives when they took action against the Nazis through leaflets, speeches and other defiant behavior they knew would get them arrested, tortured, and often killed. Yet they did what they believed was right, not just speaking out but willing to take great risks in order to stop an evil. And what if their behavior was multiplied by many? How easy would it have been then for Hitler to continue his march of mayhem? Likely it would have been far more difficult, but for the apathy, which was widespread and formed the excuse for "not knowing" that became many of the statements individuals gave when faced with their lack of action against an evil.

That is the lesson. Apathy is an obstacle we often face in our daily lives, and how to overcome that apathy is a continuous challenge.  I often do not openly use myself as an example, but a personal one affords an opportunity to illustrate it and reflect on how destructive it can be and how it can impede positive performance in ways that can cause great risks for others.

We live in a community of condominium owners. Two experts have agreed that the complex needs immediate repairs, including new siding because of dry rot, which is expensive and a process that could uncover many more problems. Most of the outside decks on the upper floors have been shown to have sufficient moisture damage to require supports and repairs. Ours is said to be the worse. The problem has continued for six months with no agreement on proceeding to make the urgent repairs. The people who live below us are renters and have not been told of the risks to their personal safety by just going in and out of their doorway, the only entry and exit into their apartment. We don't own the decks, as we are consistently reminded, and thus legally restricted from making the repairs.  The landlord of the tenants just below us has not advised the tenants of the risks because he fears losing income he needs from their rents. We have neither their phone numbers or names to provide the information ourselves, and the only way to reach them is by going through a dangerous doorway.

We are not apathetic about the problems, but many are, still knowing the problems in the community. One person has managed to interrupt the repairs through lawsuits, disagreements, petitions and private meetings; but at public meetings where the major concerns are to be addressed, most people either don't attend or refuse to speak or be active in any way to allow the repairs to take place.

In 2009 we were accidentally locked out of condo when we had a light fixture put over our doorway, having moved into our place during the dead of winter. We stood outside the door to admire the new light, not thinking when we closed the door behind us that it was locked from the inside. There we were in 39 degree weather, two elderly people shivering and knowing no one in the complex. So we knocked on the doors of eight places in our immediate area, all of which had lights on and people inside. Some people never even looked out their windows near the doors where we were knocking. A few looked at us, drew the curtains, and did not go to the doors.

No money, no keys for our car, and no way to get inside, my husband and I decided we would have to walk the quarter mile to a convenience store to ask to use a phone, when a young man happened to be walking in the main area of the complex; and we ran and asked if he might help. Even though he too is an owner in the complex himself, he took us to the home of someone else, who happened to be home, who brought us a portable phone down the stairway, declaring we should only stay a few minutes please. We stayed just long enough to call a locksmith.

Is this a rare occurrence? It turns out not to be, although one might be surprised to learn of the particulars. Still it is commonplace for people to be stranded, for a brief time or for years, because of apathy. That apathy is translated into fear and a lack of willingness to be involved in anything outside the comfort zone.

Apathy can be evidence of depression on a personal level, on a group-wide way it can also reflect that feeling of being overwhelmed, so much that many people feel almost paralyzed by their emotions. So in not knowing what to do, they do nothing. And by doing nothing, the problem worsens.

Knowing when we are apathetic, and looking for ways to get past it, however can serve us well. It is often the knowing that makes the difference and the denial that keeps us entrenched.

So the next time you are faced with a problem that can impact many other people, think beyond yourself to the multiplication of that apathy that can eventually hurt you as well, either in the short or long term and get involved so that your problem does not become greater and you don't need to excuse your lack of inaction by the "I didn't know" excuse. In other words, take personal action as the life and health you save starts with you.

Mental illness and gun deaths: the devil is in the details

[caption id="attachment_4340" align="alignleft" width="640"] Guns non violence sculpture[/caption]

Carol Forsloff ---In the past 48 hours newspapers across the country have reported incidents of shootings, many of which have occurred during of domestic disputes during the past week.  So as public officials and ordinary citizens debate gun control and mental illness, how would mental illness be defined and under what conditions?

The following are just a few of the gun incidents that happened between family members during the past week, as reported by the nation's newspapers:

Steven R. Johnson, age 34, allegedly shot his wife, Manya,  to death, then dismembered her body and stashed the remains in a friend’s garage.  St Paul, Minnesota, according to the New York Daily News.

This past week in Kentucky police reported 68-year-old Tommie Summers shot and killed 67-year-old Linda Summers and their son, 38-year-old Brian Summers., then killed himself.

In Ravenden, Arkansas Robert Shouse was arrested and charged with attempted murder after shooting at his wife's car as he followed her vehicle down a rural road.

In Gardendale, Alabama:  54-year-old Dr. Terry Greer, a local pastor,  reportedly shot and killed his wife, 52-year-old Lisa Greer,

In Hayden, Idaho police reported that Daryl Clark shot and killed his wife, Tina,  leaving behind a young son.

In Dallas, Texas Ferdinand Smith allegedly shot and killed his wife, Karen,  as she was leaving work and is being held on a charge of murder.  He is also being held on a charge of felony family violence assault after being accused of previously attacking his wife in December.

In Circleville, Ohio a man was hospitalized after shooting at his wife.  He missed, then shot himself, but was lucid and talking at the hospital according to initial reports.

These were not mass shootings but rather the type of gun violence police often report around the nation.  Would these shooters be classified as mentally ill according to the discussions presently taking place about gun control, when these incidents constitute the bulk of the "non-criminal" shootings, i.e. gun deaths unrelated to any other crime?

The Southern Poverty Law Center has seen an uptick in the membership of hate groups, many of whom have been found to have stashes of weapons.  Would these people be classified as mentally ill?

Depression is the major mental illness around the world.  It constitutes a mental illness in the psychiatric categorization of mood disorders.  Would someone with a history of depression be among those restricted from having a gun under potential and existing gun laws?

While gun rights advocates point to mental illness and the media as critical areas of examination and restriction, the ambiguities in classifying  those mental illness as well as the fact that many gun deaths, unrelated to other crimes, occur between people who know each other offer complex questions for those anticipating changes in gun laws.

It is indeed the devil in the details that make the issue of gun control far more complex than simply restricting gun ownership of the mentally ill or those with criminal histories.

 

Should mental health patients be held accountable for memory problems?

Samantha Torrence -  Depression is a common illness among Americans today, and the effects of depression in themselves make it difficult to treat. Much like a viral or bacterial illness, depression has the mechanism built in to make it survive as long as it can and guide the body and mind towards further harm. One of the tactics used by this prevalent disease is short term memory loss and symptoms of ADD. Given that this is an accepted complication, why is it that treatment facilities and institutions of higher learning still punitive against those suffering from these ill effects?

The symptoms of depression as listed by WebMD, number one addressing memory loss:

difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

fatigue and decreased energy

feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness

feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism

insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

irritability, restlessness

loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

overeating or appetite loss

persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

Psychology clinics routinely deal with people who suffer depression.  One could argue that depression is the largest demographic of their clientele. Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists know that inherently until treatment is well under way that their depressed clients will have terrible memories, and those without strong support at home and in family will miss appointments. Yet despite the knowledge of these complications,  many treatment facilities can be punitive against people who miss appointments, going as far as kicking them to the curb for "no shows." What negative affects could this have on a person with depression stemming from abandonment issues let alone the treatment of any individual going through such difficult times?

Psychology clinics are apt to defend themselves on the grounds they have to make a livelihood. If a patient doesn't show up for an appointment, they lose money and cannot get paid. However, this is not the reason given to their patients. Most clinics will say that it is due to non-compliance of the patient. Some psychology clinics will do this after as little as two "no shows," which does not give the depressed patient the opportunity to develop a routine or treatment to overcome his or her depression and the side effects.

Psychology clinics are not the only institutions who target people with depression or ADHD inflicted forgetfulness. Schools at times do this to not only their students but the parents as well. In Loudon County, Virginia the attendance laws are extremely strict and have put good parents in difficult situations for merely having ADHD or Depression. Maureen Blake, 42, is a mother of 5 children 3 of which are school aged. Maureen also suffers severely from ADHD and because of her illness and the hecticness of running a household with 3 young children Maureen's kids have been late to school over 10 times per child in this year alone. Her crimes, which include her kids only being at times a minute late, landed her in handcuffs. She was released on bond for what is classified as a misdemeanor and then appeared in court to receive $3,000.00 in fines. Aside from being late her children get wonderful grades, are well loved and taken care of, and are well received by their teachers. The spirit of the law in which children must attend school for their benefit seems to be followed by the Blakes, even if it is not to the letter of the law. So why has the county become so punitive?

Ms. Blake is not the only parent who has been hauled into court for tardiness, but the Denicore family who is also facing a simliar situation has a different reason. Teaching their children personal responsibility and making them get dressed, brush their teeth, and get a nice bowl of cereal for themselves before it is time to go to school. If they drag their feet they could be late. This practice is not uncommon for many families, especially families of working parents who need to get to work as quickly as their children need to get to school. They also face fines but Mr. Denicore could also lose his job as a lawyer if he is convicted of the class three misdemeanor. Is being a few minutes late for school really worth the livlihood of an entire family? Loudon County court judges need to decide.

Maureen, who is afflicted with ADHD, has been working very hard with psychologists, life counselors, and friends and family. She knows her illness has an effect on her children and has enrolled them into therapy as well. Since her conviction her children have only been late twice to school, but that is only after Maureen hired a driver to help. The added expense on a woman for misplacing her keys and being a few minutes late to drop off her childen seems rather punitive in some minds. A institution of higher learning equipped with on staff counselors should be more understanding of her problems, yet it seems the educators and staff are ignorant to the effects of ADHD.

Personal responsibility is important, but in today's society where depression, attention deficite problems, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses are compound one on top of the other, maybe we are asking people to be responsible for more than their minds can handle. How can we fix these problems?

How do you deal with grief in a "blue" Christmas season?

[caption id="attachment_4434" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Christmas illumination"][/caption]


Carol Forsloff - For
many people the holiday season is a joyous occasion, while for others
it's a time when depression sets in for things that are lost, for people
who are gone and for the way things used to be, but a therapist gives ideas on how to cope with these feelings.



Stephanie Wick, a Kansas State University instructor in family studies and human
services and a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells us all
these feelings are exacerbated by longer nights, cold weather and having
to be inside much of the time.

"When you've lost a
loved one and you're coming up on the holiday season, there's a giant
void," Wick said. "It's a reminder that all these other families are
celebrating this time together and enjoying their time together, but
we've lost this person. We can't enjoy this time because we're not
complete, we're not whole."

So what should people do to
help those who are grieving during this time?  Wick says there are ways
to cope, but people need to remember that each person goes through
grief in a different way.

"I think one of the most
important things to do as an outsider watching a person who is grieving
is to respect their healing process," Wick said. "If they decide they
don't want to put up a Christmas tree, have a meal or open presents, as
an outsider it's important to respect that because it's necessary for
that person or that family's process of trying to get through this
holiday season."

Friends and family can help by
listening, letting the person talk or share about memories.  Recognize
that resuming old holiday traditions at the time of loss can be
difficult.  So Wick recommends creating new traditions instead of
reliving old ones during the grieving process.

Families can
do something they haven't done before or go somewhere else for the
holidays," Wick tells us. "It's a way of marking the new phase, but also
preserving the old traditions and the memory of those traditions with
the person who has died."

It's important to remember that the grieving process takes time, Wick said.

"It
gets easier with time," she said. "The first holiday is the hardest.
For many people it's a process of surviving, just getting through one

holiday at a time."