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| SOS sign in Singapore reveals how suicide and other calamaties are an international phenomenon |
Carol Forsloff--Her arm was filled with tiny cuts, and she wore a long-sleeved blouse to cover up the scars. Those who passed by her office would see her sitting, staring ahead as if in thought, as her long, sharp fingernails dug into her arms. A professional, well-paid and educated woman's involvement in self-destructive behavior offers a view into why people destroy themselves and others, physically or psychologically, that can often explain the reasons for suicide and individually-based disasters of all kinds.
Whether it is a pilot of a plane or captain of a ship that takes a purposeful dive or a woman seated at a desk cutting into her arm, the self-destructive behaviors that initiate pain and/or death are similar in many of their root causes and outcomes.
After a major tragedy, where someone commits suicide or a mass school shooting occurs where the perpetrator knows he/she will be killed in response, folks ask the questions why. Some of those answers lie in the roots of self-destructive behavior and the depression that often accompanies it, how it develops, then bubbles over, presenting a risk to the self and often to others as well.
While the initial response to a suicide or mass killing is to blame it on a present event, such as losing status, a job or a loved one, the deeper, underlying causes of self-destructive behavior lie in a complex, woven tapestry of events. These develop over time, layer by layer, until the tapestry unravels when something happens that becomes the person's “last straw.”
Scholars have found, for example, that post-traumatic stress does not occur after a single event but after a subsequent one that causes the victim the additional pain that is that “last straw.” Ordinarily both events are of a high stress nature. An example would be someone in high school who as the driver of a car crash suffers a series of injuries while a best friend and close relative is killed. That high school student several years later joins the military, is deployed to Afghanistan, watches buddies killed in roadside bombing incidents over a period of two years, then returns home with the diagnosis of PTSD. The precipitating event may be the war experience, but it is the accumulation of grief, depression and anger that can spill over and create an emotional pain that can last a lifetime.
Consider the girl who watches a mother and father quarrel daily, then goes to school past a group of bullies who threaten, throw things and sometimes strike her. She goes to school unprepared for the lessons, because it was impossible to study in a home where the parents violent quarrels create such toxicity the child cannot learn well. Chubby and poorly-dressed she feels out of place with the other little girls whom the teacher smiles upon and the boys whisper about. She doesn't get the Valentine's day cards that are quietly shared nor is she invited to the parties, but more than that she lacks the resources to change her status. Trapped, she begins scratching her arms, cutting her legs, and doing anything to relieve the emotional pain. She becomes the woman who sits in front of the window, digging her fingernails into arms that have been punished over many years. Now she can't go to the dentist without emotional trauma and offers a hysterical response when challenged.
These illustrations offer real stories of how self-destructive behavior can develop over time. Whereas PTSD is more than self-destructive issues, it is fused with these along with other behaviors that can cause emotional pain. The accumulation of hurts can offer a major hurdle when faced with an extraordinary event such as the death of a spouse or the loss of a valued job at the wrong time. It is then the long-suffering individual responds, sometimes violently, unable to use the perspective and reason that would prevent the worst.
On an interpersonal level, self-destructive behavior creates serious problems for the family, the community and the country. If there are thousands of these people who have suffered trauma over time and are willing to die for their beliefs, or more specifically to ease the pain of a future that appears hopeless and a past that haunts and creates self-loathing and terror, then the result can be an uprising or war. As the world watches Syria at war and the suffering and trauma of the children, in adulthood many of these same children may be among those whose behavior becomes aggressive and perhaps violent. Children of war are particularly vulnerable to self-destructive behavior if they are forced to continue to live under stress or relive the events in some other situation in the future.
For whole communities, those who are forced to live in poverty and surrounded by violence are also vulnerable to self-destructive behavior and often turn to crime, which itself can bring prison or even the death penalty, depending on the type of behavior. They are willing to take the risks because they have lived through violence and see life as futile at times and the efforts to change unrewarded.
How can self-destructive behavior be averted? The answer is both simple and complex. As with other emotional issues, it begins with child and family education. The family needs to be a source of comfort, understanding and guidance, so education can help facilitate communication and appropriate behavior. Children learn to cope with stress by observing how parents and other family members deal with it, so as adults master better ways of interacting with others, children have a model to observe. This type of education then is expanded to include the school and community. The school must offer education where all children can be successful and encouraged. Bullying behavior cannot be allowed on the streets, the schoolyard or the hallways of educational facilities or at work, since the bullying may trigger that “last straw” response when the child grows up or the worker doesn't get that anticipated raise.
And finally, despite the rights of people to have protection from harm, the availability of guns and weapons offers the ingredients that make the mix that coupled with the triggering event, or “last straw” will bring about the type of violence that is talked about at the time, then forgotten in the daily routines. It is the Sandy Hook type of tragedy that could be prevented and wasn't because of that self-destructive behavior, lack of family education and the precipitating events that may have occurred in the hallways of the school where the youth, Adam Lanza, felt awkward and isolated. Self-destructive behavior resulted in the killing of schoolchildren, the death of the youth, and the community suffering.
It is that suffering that can be prevented through education on how self-destructive behavior develops, and once that is understood, programs developed for children and adults that can prevent accumulated trauma and finally the precipitating event.
