How Leelah's likely suicide muddies the waters of sexual identity

Sexuality confusion

Religion and ethics profess at their core the need to embrace the good in life and in others. However, faith groups, in rejecting science, also dismiss the essence of what scientists view as creation and what makes everyone unique. The scientific view of human behaviors and how they develop includes those with sexual differences, like Leelah Acorn, a transgender teen, who apparently committed suicide rather than face a world in which stereotypes were used to condemn her.

Should individual freedom extend to suicide?

Recent map of states allowing assisted suicide or where it is under serious discussion

Carol Forsloff - In America it appears the most vocal argument about life involves abortion. Around the world, including the United States, the debate is
especially keen over a person’s right to take his/her own life personally or with aid just because of being tired of living or having lived a "completed life." 

The argument continues and has broadened in the Netherlands where some people maintain that once an individual has lived what they deem to be a "completed life" they should be able to commit suicide in a legal fashion.

Physician-assisted suicide has been legal in the Netherlands since the 1990's.

It's one thing to be able to do it if you are ill, and a doctor approves; it becomes quite another for a perfectly healthy human being. So it has raised considerable debate in the Netherlands, known for its somewhat liberal views in a number of social areas.

Indeed it has also bee found that assisted suicide laws around the world are written specifically to require a physician's involvement.  And Norway, the neighbor of the Netherlands, considers even that a crime.

One of the newspapers DW World wrote about the issue in 2010, pointing out
how some of the citizens of the Netherlands had set forth a petition
asking the Dutch parliament to debate whether all people over 70 have a
right to suicide that gathered more than 117,000 signatures.  

This debate about suicide raises an ongoing issue, often one that many people begin to discuss with increased fervor when they are elderly or have an illness where they are expected to die within six months time.  The debates concern whether anyone has the ultimate right to make a choice in how to either live or die and when. It is an ethical argument that various groups have made over
the years, that becomes an ever-widening one.

Those in favor of assisted suicide believe they should be able to take their own lives if they have a depressing condition such as Alzheimers, have no friends or family and believe their lives are so unsatisfactory and painful that
they have lived a "completed life."

Those who oppose any legislation to change the laws to allow people to kill themselves if they are in severe pain or will die of some painful disease or have a medical condition that does not allow them to live a quality life.  They say society should work towards inclusion of people so they don't have these fears and worries and want to  kill themselves.

That public argument heated up in Great Britain in early 2009 when a man killed himself publicly. Most places have controversial laws or don’t enforce them.  Only four of them allow the taking of one’s own life with assistance
legally and openly.

Craig Ewert’s death at age 59 was broadcast on television December 14, 2009 following a serious controversy over the documentary which was shown on Sky Real Lives channel. Ewert had a motor neurone disease and no longer wished to remain alive and trapped in what he labeled as a “living tomb.”

The maker of the documentary, John Zaritsky, maintained the film was an “important contribution to a vital debate.” The debate in Great Britain was indeed intense. Ewert’s own MP in the House of Commons raised objection to the showing of the film. Gordon Brown, Prime Minister of Great Britain, made
his own statement:

“I believe that it is necessary to ensure that there is never a case in
this country where a sick or elderly person feels under pressure to
agree to an assisted death or somehow feels it is the expected thing to do.”

It is presently against the law in Great Britain to help a person commit suicide. The silliness of this country’s law, as citizens maintain, that causes considerable argument within the country, is that it is not illegal for a person to kill themselves but it is for another person to aid the process.

The penalty for doing so without that aid is 14 years in prison,
but no one has been prosecuted under the law. 

The laws about assisted suicide are ambiguous in many places if the laws even exist. Many people assume that it is an individual act of freedom and don’t know that there are laws against it.

A great many people instinctively feel that suicide and assisted suicide are such individual acts of freedom and free will that they assume there are no legal prohibitions. Sweden has no law specifically against euthanasia but prosecuted Berit Hedeby for helping someone to die.

Compassion, or the lack of it, for assisted suicide varies around the world with Uruguay being the most sensitive about the issue and reluctant to administer punishment and Russia and Hungary being one of the strictest about it.

Hungary,that has the highest suicide rate in the world, has one of the harshest
laws, with five years in prison the punishment. Russia is particularly
intolerant, with its 1993 law outlining specifically its opposition to
mercy killing.

There are only four places documented by assisted suicide proponents where a person can openly and legally be allowed to die through active assistance by another. They include the following: 1. Oregon (which has had its law since 1997 upheld by the Supreme Court in 2006) 2. Switzerland (1941, physician and non-physician assisted suicide only); 3. Belgium (2002, allows euthanasia' but does not define the method; 4. Netherlands (voluntary euthanasia and
physician-assisted suicide has been legal since April of 2002 although
the courts have allowed it since 1984)

Only in Switzerland is one able to take one’s own life without several doctors involved in determining an individual’s competency and need to do so. Others require two physicians and a psychologist.

Oregon’s law was targeted by the Bush administration in the United States, but most other states have chosen not to introduce legislation on euthanasia because it is considered too controversial a topic.

Religious factions within the states have opposed the taking of one’s own life by any means. The Catholics have been one group solidly against euthanasia.

Despite the hue and cry about euthanasia, a review of the Oregon experience shows that the concern that many people will rush right out and kill themselves when they have a terminal illness is not borne out by the facts.  Relatively few take their own lives, or ask for someone to aid them in the process, even when they have the right.

In 2014 Brittany Maynard, an incurably ill woman with only months to live and looking forward to a painful death and an extended period of suffering, spoke out in defense of terminally ill patients who needed a choice in whether to continue life or not.  She moved to Oregon and took her own life in November.  Only Oregon, Vermont and Washington allow physician assisted suicide, while 34 states criminalize assisted suicide or any kind of individual attempt by someone to help another take his or her own life, regardless of condition.

In 2006 only 46 people took the final exit with assistance. Nevertheless, it is likely that around the world the debate will continue about euthanasia with very different laws and opinions about it while the four places that allow it will continue to collect data to show euthanasia is rare and continues to be very controversial.

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Roots of self destructive behaviors offer explanations of suicide,aggression and war

SOS sign in Singapore reveals how suicide and other calamaties are an international phenomenon

Carol Forsloff--Her arm was filled with tiny cuts, and she wore a long-sleeved blouse to cover up the scars. Those who passed by her office would see her sitting, staring ahead as if in thought, as her long, sharp fingernails dug into her arms. A professional, well-paid and educated woman's involvement in self-destructive behavior offers a view into why people destroy themselves and others, physically or psychologically, that can often explain the reasons for suicide and individually-based disasters of all kinds.



Whether it is a pilot of a plane or captain of a ship that takes a purposeful dive or a woman seated at a desk cutting into her arm, the self-destructive behaviors that initiate pain and/or death are similar in many of their root causes and outcomes.



After a major tragedy, where someone commits suicide or a mass school shooting occurs where the perpetrator knows he/she will be killed in response, folks ask the questions why. Some of those answers lie in the roots of self-destructive behavior and the depression that often accompanies it, how it develops, then bubbles over, presenting a risk to the self and often to others as well.



While the initial response to a suicide or mass killing is to blame it on a present event, such as losing status, a job or a loved one, the deeper, underlying causes of self-destructive behavior lie in a complex, woven tapestry of events. These develop over time, layer by layer, until the tapestry unravels when something happens that becomes the person's “last straw.”



Scholars have found, for example, that post-traumatic stress does not occur after a single event but after a subsequent one that causes the victim the additional pain that is that “last straw.” Ordinarily both events are of a high stress nature. An example would be someone in high school who as the driver of a car crash suffers a series of injuries while a best friend and close relative is killed. That high school student several years later joins the military, is deployed to Afghanistan, watches buddies killed in roadside bombing incidents over a period of two years, then returns home with the diagnosis of PTSD. The precipitating event may be the war experience, but it is the accumulation of grief, depression and anger that can spill over and create an emotional pain that can last a lifetime.



Consider the girl who watches a mother and father quarrel daily, then goes to school past a group of bullies who threaten, throw things and sometimes strike her. She goes to school unprepared for the lessons, because it was impossible to study in a home where the parents violent quarrels create such toxicity the child cannot learn well. Chubby and poorly-dressed she feels out of place with the other little girls whom the teacher smiles upon and the boys whisper about. She doesn't get the Valentine's day cards that are quietly shared nor is she invited to the parties, but more than that she lacks the resources to change her status. Trapped, she begins scratching her arms, cutting her legs, and doing anything to relieve the emotional pain. She becomes the woman who sits in front of the window, digging her fingernails into arms that have been punished over many years. Now she can't go to the dentist without emotional trauma and offers a hysterical response when challenged.



These illustrations offer real stories of how self-destructive behavior can develop over time. Whereas PTSD is more than self-destructive issues, it is fused with these along with other behaviors that can cause emotional pain. The accumulation of hurts can offer a major hurdle when faced with an extraordinary event such as the death of a spouse or the loss of a valued job at the wrong time. It is then the long-suffering individual responds, sometimes violently, unable to use the perspective and reason that would prevent the worst.



On an interpersonal level, self-destructive behavior creates serious problems for the family, the community and the country. If there are thousands of these people who have suffered trauma over time and are willing to die for their beliefs, or more specifically to ease the pain of a future that appears hopeless and a past that haunts and creates self-loathing and terror, then the result can be an uprising or war. As the world watches Syria at war and the suffering and trauma of the children, in adulthood many of these same children may be among those whose behavior becomes aggressive and perhaps violent. Children of war are particularly vulnerable to self-destructive behavior if they are forced to continue to live under stress or relive the events in some other situation in the future.



For whole communities, those who are forced to live in poverty and surrounded by violence are also vulnerable to self-destructive behavior and often turn to crime, which itself can bring prison or even the death penalty, depending on the type of behavior. They are willing to take the risks because they have lived through violence and see life as futile at times and the efforts to change unrewarded.



How can self-destructive behavior be averted? The answer is both simple and complex. As with other emotional issues, it begins with child and family education. The family needs to be a source of comfort, understanding and guidance, so education can help facilitate communication and appropriate behavior. Children learn to cope with stress by observing how parents and other family members deal with it, so as adults master better ways of interacting with others, children have a model to observe. This type of education then is expanded to include the school and community. The school must offer education where all children can be successful and encouraged. Bullying behavior cannot be allowed on the streets, the schoolyard or the hallways of educational facilities or at work, since the bullying may trigger that “last straw” response when the child grows up or the worker doesn't get that anticipated raise.



And finally, despite the rights of people to have protection from harm, the availability of guns and weapons offers the ingredients that make the mix that coupled with the triggering event, or “last straw” will bring about the type of violence that is talked about at the time, then forgotten in the daily routines. It is the Sandy Hook type of tragedy that could be prevented and wasn't because of that self-destructive behavior, lack of family education and the precipitating events that may have occurred in the hallways of the school where the youth, Adam Lanza,  felt awkward and isolated. Self-destructive behavior resulted in the killing of schoolchildren, the death of the youth, and the community suffering.



It is that suffering that can be prevented through education on how self-destructive behavior develops, and once that is understood, programs developed for children and adults that can prevent accumulated trauma and finally the precipitating event.

Clinical depression a core issue in the childhoods of mass killers

[caption id="attachment_17183" align="alignleft" width="225"] Site of one of the nation's most high profile school shootings[/caption]

Carol Forsloff — “Such a sad, desolate, lonely unsalvageable I feel I am,” Klebold confided to his journal. “Not fair, NOT FAIR!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it!!! Let’s sum up my life. The most miserable existence in the history of time.”A young man speaks of his long-term depression that experts tell us is characteristic of one type of mass murderer.  Dylan Klebold was one of the shooters at Columbine High School, one of the most high-profile cases of mass killings in American schools.

A growing number of people all over the world are diagnosed with what experts tell us is the second most disabling condition, with heart disease ranking first. The escalation of the problem may be part of a growing mental health problem impacting all communities around the world and part of a complex disorder that impacts the lives of many people and that may be a core issue related to the violence in our culture.

Experts tell us that up to 80% of all suicide deaths are related to depression. Furthermore there has been a dramatic rise in depression during periods of stress and economic crises, like the current one, where joblessness and financial problems continue to plague many individuals and families.

Clinical depression can lead to drug abuse, aggression, and negative thinking, characteristics that can lead to acting out behaviors. We are told that it affects approximately 1 in 10 people in the United States and a rising number of children and adolescents.

What is clinical depression? Pervasive sadness is just one of the major characteristics, also defined as the inside form of aggression, meaning that the manifestation of depression can mean increased anger and the inability to modify behavior when under stress. In fact some research indicates that depression is a major factor in the childhood of aggressive and violent individuals. Major depression is considered a risk factor for aggression. Furthermore, a high level of aggression is often a trigger for suicide.

Dave Cullen, the author of Columbine, wrote an article for the Daily Beast where he outlined some of the major characteristics of mass murderers. He examined the research on the types of mental health problems exhibited by these individuals that include three groups that include psychopaths, the delusionally insane, and the suicidally depressed. In fact,three years after Columbine tragedy, the Secret Service reported 78% of shooters had a history of attempting suicide or had suicidal thoughts. Many of these individuals died during or shortly after their killing rampage occurred.

The recent tragedy of the killings at Sandy Hook Elementary School and a mall in Clackamas, Oregon involved young men who killed themselves following their attacks on others. Jacob Tyler Roberts was 22 years old and Adam Lanza was 20. In neither case have experts diagnosed motive or mental illness type.  What they have in common is the combination of mass murder and their own suicides. Cullen tells us most mass murderers believe they will die in the act. Many report at some time of wanting to "get even".

Determining the sequences of issues and the diagnosis of these two young men is unlikely to be early, given the conflicting stories regarding both Lanza and Roberts. As Cullen states: "Insanity or suicidal depression? Anyone who claims they can answer these questions this early is ignorant or irresponsible. But we will learn."

And in the learning, it is imperative that people take note of young people who suffer from depression and the potential for aggression as an outgrowth of its severity, according to experts. For although most people who are depressed are not mass murderers, a high percentage of those who kill others have childhood problems related to it and present a clear reason for quality mental health screening and treatment and early intervention.

Life-affirming lessons from a suicide

[caption id="attachment_9747" align="alignright" width="262" caption="Bruce Sallan and son"][/caption]

A Dad’s Point-of-View by Bruce Sallan --There are many relationships we have in life, naturally. We have family, friends, business associates, and what I like to call, Virtual friends. Virtual friends are those we know via Social Media but may have never really met. I have many of these relationships, some of which have bloomed into meaningful associations and actual real-life friendships.

Recently, I learned that one of my Virtual friends had committed suicide. He was a very successful man, father of six, and one of those friends I’d never met or spoken with.  When I learned of his tragic death and the fact that he’d suffered from lifelong depression, I wondered if I might have made a difference had I made an effort to really know him? Depression is insidious and even those people who seem to have everything to live for can succumb to its tentacles of despair. This is evidently what happened to this man.

On further reflection, I realized my knowing him or not was irrelevant. What I took away from his death were all the reasons to live that I believe and that I believe we need to be reminded of and share. Life has so much to offer, so many riches to enjoy, so many experiences to have, that the idea of ending it anytime before the journey ends on its own is unfathomable to me. Maybe share this short list with someone you know who may be living through the trials of depression or may just need a little reminder of the joys to be found in living.



1. Don’t Give Up

Yes, it’s a corny saying but don’t give up. The world is filled with amazing stories of comebacks; of people who were so down they never thought they’d see up again. Why can’t you be that person? How many people do you know that have come back from a setback, or numerous setbacks?

I just think of my parents whenever I feel sorry for myself, which, these days, is less and less. Maybe I’ve actually begun to grow up in my sixth decade of life? My parents suffered the loss of two children, numerous diseases, and numerous financial hardships. My mother, in particular, always had a kind word and smile for everyone she encountered. My dad never complained. What do I have to complain about in comparison?



2. Be Grateful

Try to wake up each day and say “Thank You” for something good in your life. Maybe it’s waking up without pain and you say “Thanks” for simply feeling good? Maybe it’s the simple act of going to the bathroom and your plumbing is working? Imagine if it weren’t?

There is so much that most of us have to be grateful for that we take for granted. This is especially true for those of us fortunate enough to live in the U.S. or other countries with such a comfortable way of life. What if you woke up each day in the squalor of a poor African country and just quenching your thirst was a daily challenge?

3. This Too Shall Pass

This great saying is often attributed to Solomon, from biblical times. We don’t know where it truly came from. Often, someone will offer “This too shall pass” as words of comfort to someone going through something difficult. It’s true that most things do ease with time, even the death of a loved one.



I like to think of this phrase during the good times, as well, because anyone who has lived any length of time knows that the good times can go away just as easily as the bad times may ease with time. This lesson is simply to appreciate the good times and know that the bad times will likely fade.

4. Give Back

The best way to appreciate life, to count your own blessings, is to help others.  First, you will feel good. That is guaranteed. Second, you will potentially get a painful lesson in how lucky your life truly is.

Help an elderly person who is alone. Mentor a disabled child or adult. After all, disabled adults still need compassion yet we often direct our attentions and care to young disabled people. Volunteer at a hospital, health clinic, homeless shelter, and then come home and complain.

5. Get a Dog

We just recently lost one of our beloved dogs, Tache, at 15 years old. She had lived a full life and given us plenty of joy and companionship. I remember her and her boyfriend, Simon, most lovingly when I reflect on their devotion to me during a very rough passage in my life.  This occurred during the early months following the end of my first marriage. My soon-to-be ex-wife had left our home and our boys. I became a 24/7 single dad almost literally overnight. The boys were six and nine, and scared. They didn’t understand what was going on and, frankly, at times neither did I.

Many nights, after their bedtime, I would lie in bed brooding, thinking, and worrying. Most of those nights, the boys would sleepily come into my room and crawl into my bed, followed by Tache and Simon. I was always in the middle, crushed between my boys and 150 pounds of dogs. Those nights, those furry mouthfuls, kept me sane.

Of course, there’s a slight tongue-in-cheek attitude with number five, but having a pet during difficult times is quite comforting. Mainly, I hope to encourage everyone to stop and smell the roses, realize that hope springs eternal, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, there’s no time like the present, and to wish upon a star. It will be all right…



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Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio

host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz

career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE

Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also

his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites

worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce

and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that

Bruce hosts.