Infertility adds further stresses on marriages during recession

 

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 Carol Forsloff - The custody of children almost always figures into divorce complaints but infertility can also be a negative in marriage. 

 

      
Couples who don't have children can have a rocky
marriage, especially when one of the couples is particularly interested
in having children.  That notion of having a family is a very important
one.  So when one member of the couple is to "blame," this can cause
considerable tension in a relationship.

Add to that any incident of a miscarriage, and the pain of that can enter into problems within the marriage.


Research by the University of Michigan finds couples couples who
experience a miscarriage or some type of pregnancy loss at 18 weeks have
a 22% higher chance of divorce than couples who have a successful
pregnancy. 40% of couples experiencing miscarriages at 20 weeks and
beyond divorced. According to the study, couples endured feelings of
guilt, anger and sorrow in coping with their loss.

The emotional
strain from infertility can last a long time, perhaps the extent of the
marriage.  It can create depression and anger.

Even though a
miscarriage may happen after a woman has had several children, the
experience is said to impact many women in causing great sadness. 

Attorneys
who handle divorce remind us that miscarriage can cause considerable
grief, even in situations where many people might not understand its
complications.  They point to a story featured in USA Today, where a
Colorado woman explained that even though she already had three
children, the experience of having a miscarriage left her depressed and
disengaged. The experience affected her marriage because she was still
grieving long after her husband had moved on. It was as if they were
moving in different directions.

So what are the main problems
centered around the issue of infertility.  Legal experts who have
handled these matters maintain there are three distinct emotions:blame,
anger and regret.

Blame comes when people feel a loss of
control, as in the case of women who have miscarriages and feel a sense
of a loss of control.  Men can feel like they can't protect the woman
from these hurts.

Anger develops from some feeling of injustice,
whether justified or not, allowing for a loss of perspective in the
relationships.

Regrets for not having children can have a cycle of destruction in a marriage.  The "what-ifs" can remain.

Problems of infertility require working through these issues so they don't fester.

Since
many couples elect to delay marriage, this can have a big impact on a
woman's likelihood of having children as science tells us that women
after 35 have problems conceiving.  Furthermore, long-term use of
contraception can also negatively influence a woman's capabilities of
becoming pregnant and carrying a child to term.

In 2010 as people
have faced a long recession, with subsequent economic stresses, these
additional factors that include infertility can create additional

problems that experts like Susan Pease Gadoula say folks should consider might be influencing a very big personal decision that could be regretted later.