[caption id="attachment_2185" align="alignleft" width="210" caption="Bruce Sallan a Dad's Point of View"]
[/caption]Bruce Sallan - Well,
it’s another holiday season, and another Christmas and Hanukah for this
blended family of religions and ethnicities, step-mom and boys, Felix
and Oscar (characters from Neil Simon’s classic “The Odd Couple”), and
so many other differences it makes this dad’s mind boggle. But, there
will be no blues in this family; maybe some black-and-blues, but no
“blues.”
We’ve made peace with all these differences, truly, so
that the holiday season by now is truly joyful though often a logistical
challenge as it is for so many other families. This is the first
year where we are unable, due to these logistics, to spend some of the
holidays with my wife’s parents and her family. Those details are the
same as for so many other families of “he wants, she wants, his turn,
your turn,” etc. However, we will be going on a lovely vacation, the
four adults, early next year so we’ll have plenty of time together
then.
Even our own immediate family will be slightly apart as
three of us love to ski while my older son abhors it. And, no, that was
not a hyperbolic choice of word! In fact, it may have been
an understatement after he broke his arm on the first run of two seasons
ago, “showing off” for his ex-girlfriend. On the ride to the emergency
room, he didn’t have to say a word, as we all knew the meaning of
the look on his face--never again!
So, I will actually go skiing
a few days alone, three of us will go a few days together, we will
spend a few days around Christmas all together, and this will constitute
our holiday plans. Oh, we’ll all light the Hanukah lights together at
least one night together also. Yes, we’re a modern American family.
I
am a lover of clichés--both the ones I create and the well established
ones. So, let’s begin with a well-known one, “It was meant to be,”
which is how I feel things have worked out for us this year and is the
best way to view many things in life. I don’t believe that cliché
applies when you get very sick or lose a loved one as that is just too
“new age” for me since I have a hard time seeing the good when a parent
loses a child or an adult develops a disabling illness. But, for me it
does apply to the day-to-day hassles of life and may provide a learning
and growth experience. For me, I choose to take that approach to those
inevitable smaller life ups and downs.
“The only thing I control
is what I eat for breakfast,” is one of my own clichés. I know how
often I can’t influence things to be the way I want them, whether as a
parent or a husband, and having control of anything really except maybe
what I eat for breakfast is just my reality. So, when it comes to the
holiday season that is certainly way beyond my control. The upshot
is to “go with the flow” to use yet another cliché! What is the
alternative? Get upset? Fight it? Make everyone around me upset? Yes,
those are the alternatives and they don’t work, do they?
Another
choice when faced with the fun of the holidays is to cry--or to
laugh. There are so many jokes about relatives. Johnny Carson famously
said of Thanksgiving, “People travel thousands of miles to be with
people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way
too often.” So, what’s your choice? Cry or laugh? I’d rather laugh.
Yet
another cliché is “We choose our friends, not our
relatives.” Therefore, the lesson from that cliché may be that we
should value our good friends as much or more than our relatives. What
do you think? I think a lousy relative, over time, is just that, a
lousy relative. If that “lousy relative” happens to be a parent, I
think all you owe a parent is a modicum of respect. You don’t have to
like him or her, you don’t even have to love him or her, but as the
Fifth Commandment says, “Honor Your Father and Mother.”
Without
going into Bible study, it doesn’t say love them, it just says, “Honor”
them. You can discuss this with the clergy of your choice, but I say
it doesn’t obligate you to do anything more than treat your parents with
a certain degree of respect. Good friends, on the other hand, may
deserve more and, of course, good parents and relatives deserve the best
you can give.
I was blessed with amazing parents and they did
get the best I had to give and while I miss them terribly, I have no
regrets whatsoever.
So, this holiday season, I will not have
any holiday blues. My family will celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, and the
New Year. We will be apart, together, with friends, and we will
exchange gifts and reflect on the past year’s highs and lows. All with
gratitude and love. I wish the same for all of you.
Please
listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at
11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the
Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the
show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://www.brucesallan.com. Bruce created and launched a new website for those who would like Tech help, called BoomerTechTalk (http://www.BoomerTechTalk.com). Bruce’s
column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100 newspapers
and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s
Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.
