Let’s take a look at Tom, who travels to Russia in the hopes of finding his future wife. Having had a couple of failed relationships with American women, he decides to marry a woman from another culture, specifically from Eastern Europe. There are certain myths about women from Eastern Europe, including Russia. It is important to break that myth and take it apart, for everyone should be aware of the consequences such a relationship may bring.
Human nature always thrives to obtain more of a material success for it makes one feel more powerful and satisfied with life in general. Well, human nature and Russian women have a lot in common. That particular culture teaches their women that men should take care of them when they are ready to get married. Men from America entertain the illusion about those women madly falling in love with them, and being humble little wives they have always wanted. It is only a fantasy, which makes me think that most men prefer fantasy to reality. Anyway, Tom is on his way to Russia looking forward to beautiful women surrounding him the moment he puts one of his boots on the Russian airport ground. He keeps convincing himself that he has been such a good man, treating his women so kindly in the previous relationships, and now he deserves someone who would treat him nice in return. Red light! One should not compare and dwell over past relationships holding the next person they will be dating responsible for their previous mistakes. It is simply unethical and absurd.
It is a nice and interesting gesture to try a relationship outside your country and even faith, as long as it is mutual and the interest lies on both sides. Not in Tom’s case. Yes, women will be surrounding this guy and listening to his sweet little conversations about simple things that make him happy, calculating in their minds how long it would take to get a permanent alien card after they marry this guy and if he is the type of man to cause any trouble, if they were to get away; or in other words, divorce him after three years (I believe that is the official time to get one’s permanent alien card) of blissful happiness and joyful moments together.
People have a tendency to think that their next relationship will be much better and fulfilling than the one they are trying to leave because they are so miserable in it. Not true. The same type of relationship will keep coming back, reflecting all the previous mistakes and flaws until the owner and the thinker of such relationship alters his own approach towards his own ability to maintain a healthy and happy union, without looking for flaws in his partner. Men entertain a fantasy of meeting that exotic, timid woman from another country, who would obey their wishes and cook and clean upon their request, and yet would have enough respect for them and love them dearly and equally. It doesn’t work that way. If you are getting a slave for your so-called relationship, there will be no respect or trust in such a relationship. Eventually that slave will run away without looking back because every human being is entitled to a choice, and that choice is liberation.
The truth of the matter is American men are searching for their fantasy that they subconsciously know would come to an end sooner or later. Most realize it but they do not want to admit it, or speak about it out loud. Foreign women on the other hand are trying to find the other reality they can be happy and content in, at least temporarily; their leaving that relationship is inevitable and they are aware of it as well. Both sides know the relationship is not going to last, and yet both sides insist on trying to fail.
Back to Tom! He meets a very beautiful young woman (another interesting detail in most international relationships is that men prefer a certain category of women who are “fortunate enough” to qualify to be a bride with some specific trademarks, such as height, weight, hair color, and age appropriate, which is usually in their twenties. The young bride to be tells him what a handsome devil he is and how ecstatic she is about meeting him after she had been through so many bad relationships she was nearly to give up on meeting her prince charming and what the hay, her life in general. Tom’s ego cannot get enough of the sweet talk of his beautiful date, whom by the way he falls madly in love with. Well, who can resist that pretty innocent smile, that naïve broken accent, and her struggle to balance herself on the 6-inch heels which her friend let her borrow for that evening?
By the time they get back to the United States, the young beautiful wife realizes that Tom has a kitchen with a ton of dishes that absolutely refuse to wash themselves and hundreds of pairs of dirty underwear that Tom has collected throughout the years of living on his own. Tom on the other hand has a great expectation of his wife putting all the water works aside and bluntly getting to work. Harsh reality hits the young woman in her face. Was it a marriage based on any common and mutual interest? Was it a marriage that started with mutual trust and respect? Was it a beginning to a harmonious relationship because both parties had the right reason to step into such partnership? It was a trade. The young woman had an opportunity to leave her country where she had no prospects or reasonable suitors, where she wasn’t making any money or had any potential work or projects, and simply because it was a cool thing to do. Now she can call her friends in her country and tell them how happy she is with Tom, and how he takes care of her, emotionally and financially, and how much he worships the ground she walks on. That is when she finds time in between cleaning Tom’s house and making trips to the laundry room.
Tom, on the other hand, brags to everyone at his work what a beautiful wife he has and how happy she makes him feel, and that she does everything he asks for without even questioning him about it. Both are very unhappy and both realize that it is coming to an end, eventually. Tom will hold onto his crumbling relationship fort for as long as he can, trying to convince his friends and especially himself of a wonderful union he has recently found with his new wife. The simple truth is if the water is hot, and you know it’s hot, do not try to put your hands into it. Many people tried, and many people got burnt. Yet they keep on trying…
The moral of the story is there has to be a mutual respect and interest for two people to enter a solid productive relationship where both people have certain expectations of one another and those expectations are reasonable and can be fulfilled. Each partner has to feel free in such a relationship to do things he or she wants to do without altering or changing one another’s habits and lifestyle. Only then there is a great opportunity for a happy union. There has to be a great amount of trust. Without trust, there can be no partnership, of any kind.
One cannot tame a wild bird in a small cage forcing his rules and restrictions upon it and expecting it to love him and sing happy tunes upon his request. And that is exactly why foreign women do not want to stay married to American men.
About the Author
Ghenrietta B. Gordon has previously had a few publishing credits such as documentaries on travelling, short stories, and articles for newspapers and magazines. She is a University of Foreign Languages graduate with a Bachelor’s degree. She also has completed four scripts for film production in various genres, such as historical drama, romance, and comedy. In her free time, she enjoys life coaching and writing her new nonfiction projects.
