Honoring the love and patience of mothers of autistic children

Carol Forsloff---He banged his head on the floor, screamed, kicked his feet, while his fists pounded the air, then opened and clenched to hit anyone nearby, until in a few moments his mothers voice, with her whispers and gently coaxing began to create what looked like a miracle to anyone watching at the time.  Her hands touched her child's hands softly, moving the fists aside, opening the fingers, as she smiled and continued to coax.  It was a moment that revealed both the struggles of the child with autism spectrum disorder and the mother whose loving patience provides an example to all mothers everywhere.

Today is Autism Awareness Day, a time to recognize the needs of exceptional individuals with autism spectrum disorder.  But even more it is a time to honor the mothers of autistic children whose responsibility of parenting offers special challenges.  Yet they meet those challenges often with the kindness and affection that can be a marvel to the observer.

When a woman marries she anticipates a good life with husband and children.  Most young women need to work, and many have careers.  The responsibility of the household on an emotionally sustaining basis often rests with the mother, even in those cases where the father is actively involved.  Yet the woman who has borne the children and has spent the physical time carrying the child, then learning of the issues that an exceptional child might bring, has a unique responsibility and opportunity as well.

In the preceding example, the young woman has fraternal twin boys, both of whom have autism spectrum disorder, although one of the boys has a more serious disability than the other.  The mother leans over and listens, nods and understands what others cannot.  She opens the refrigerator and pulls out a bunch of grapes, as the child begins to calm and begin eating, without looking at his mother, and wanders into another room.

Mealtimes, bedtimes, playtimes all these periods during the day can be stressful, because change of any sort can be disconcerting to the child with autism spectrum disorder.  Lack of attention and problems with change are both hallmarks of the disorder.  Most very young children need extra attention, just because of their immaturity; but the autistic child's behavior makes growing up and learning the benchmarks of appropriate interaction very difficult.  It is a mother's guidance and patience that can make a difference in the child and the whole emotional atmosphere of the family, from the father of the children, to other siblings and family members, such as aunts, uncles and grandparents.

According to Autism Speaks, "Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors."These are the difficulties parents of these children deal with daily, and even with help from their families, neighbors, friends, the state and the school system they are faced with the responsibility for the care of the special needs child throughout their lives.  Vacations alone as a couple are often impossible; and if the parents have the time and means to spend some entertaining times together, they know that time is precious and the responsibility of the daily work continues, no matter other family needs.

For grandparents there are also new perspectives, as the expectation of most parents is that their children will have healthy children.  When grandparents see their adult children with added stress and responsibilities, there is a certain degree of pain and disappointment at the same time.  But as time passes, grandparents find the same degree of joy, only different, with their grandchildren.  Small accomplishments are important and celebrated.  At the center of much of this celebration is the mother whose own parenting remains central to the family relationships and how others relate to the children.

Every day is special for mothers who care for their children, raise them with love and patience and take the time to parent well.  The mother with the autistic child, however, can serve as a model for everyone, of how to take what otherwise might be a burden and turn it into life's real joys, even when the child cannot give back in similar fashion.  That is the measure of true courage and the best example of motherhood, even as scientists continue to look for answers about the causes and treatment of autism spectrum disorder.