Folks who pray together really do stay together

Prayer

Carol Forsloff - Religious people often talk about closeness and the value of prayer, and now science agrees that those who pray together really do stay together.

While science equivocates on whether prayer helps wellness or saves lives, it does underline the value of religion in stabilizing family relationships.

The first significant study of the effect of prayer on family togetherness looked at the diverse religious groups to examine whether prayer can help bring and keep people together.

What they found is that the shared activity of prayer enhances relationships, revealing one of prayer's benefits.

In terms of benefits, African Americans seem to gain the most, the research points out.  That's because of the different ethnic groups they are more apt to pray together and attend church together. 

In fact that tendency to stay together if praying together with African Americans is looked at as a paradox by W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociology professor and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.

The study was done several years ago and is entitled, "The Couple That Prays Together: Race and Ethnicity, Religion, and Relationship Quality Among Working-Age Adults,"which appeared in the August issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family. in 2010.

"Without prayer, black couples would be doing significantly worse than white
couples. This study shows that religion narrows the racial divide in relationship quality in America," Wilcox said. "The vitality of African-Americans' religious lives gives them an advantage over other Americans when it comes to relationships. This advantage puts them on par with other couples,"was part of the research summation.

The same is true, although not to the same extent, for couples who are Latino.

Problems tend to occur when only one partner attends religious services regularly or when the couple have different religious beliefs.

"I think forgiveness is probably a pretty key dimension to the link between shared religious practice – prayer in particular – and success in the relationship," Wilcox said. In past studies, forgiveness has been found to be a key influence on the success of relationships, home life and even workplace happiness.

In addition to forgiveness, religious practice can promote ethical behavior, define appropriate relationship conduct, offer support in relationships, and give people a sense of purpose and meaning in life.

In many small towns, like Natchitoches, Louisiana, the church plays a central role in the lives of the people.  That is clearly shown in the African American community as well as the white community, but the social life is particularly dominated by the church in the African American groups.  Many social activities abound, with everything from birthdays to a job promotion celebrated.  The church is a place where business connections are made and cemented as well.

The role of the church in cities, however, may be different.  Furthermore the role the church and prayer might play in certain areas of the country may differ.  For example, in Portland, Oregon, where religion is said to be far less of an influence on daily life, prayer may not have the same appeal as it would have in other areas of the country.  Yet the crime rate does not reveal that behaviors differ when religion is more dominant.  Louisiana has a far higher overall crime rate than Oregon, despite the fact that Louisiana has a far higher percentage of people who attend church or profess to have a solid relationship with faith.

In Natchitoches, Louisiana one is apt to ask a stranger who just moves into town what church an individual attends before asking for occupation or other definitions about a new person entering the community.  A stranger is seldom asked about faith in Portland, Oregon.

The unifying factors within each church are evident.  The problem occurs across racial and religious lines, however, with disparities of belief and lack of contact at deep levels likely responsible.  There are efforts to overcome these obstacles, however with special programs designed to facilitate good
communication.  Internally the racial groups, and their churches, may benefit from prayer and participation; however it remains true that the most segregated times in life are Sundays and funerals.

So prayer can help the family relationship, yet it remains an issue in that it may not bring disparate communities together without additional efforts through social groups and education, which is also something science supports.