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| A Dooney and Bourke purse is an expensive statement, and the more frivolous, the more fun the type of person |
"Get my purse; the money you need is in there." Are you that kind of woman, or someone who gets the bag and defends it against all intruders? In a marital relationship, the bag may show what hides behind the relationship itself.
Most women have handbags for different occasions, big and small, some for traveling and some just for going for walks. The other day a close friend asked if I had a Kleenex, and I said "it's there in my bag." She was surprised and said, "I couldn't do that." So we talked about those differences in how purses relate to power in relationships and how we learn to either part with that in our relationships or don't.
Personal power used to be identified by the clothes a woman might wear. These days, however, when jeans are in vogue from the business office to the evening outing, it is often the purse that makes the statement about a woman's sense of self. Since these days it is difficult to tell the designer jean from those available at the discount stories, the purse is often one of the most expensive items a woman owns. The $200 handbag tells the story of someone who either is affluent, wants to be seen as trendy, or who has a husband or lover who offers that little extra something to make a woman feel important. Some purses spell power in the workplace, while others say little or nothing, offering only a message that says simplicity is good enough. A casual purse says “I am casual too.” In some circumstances that works. It doesn't work at a job interview to carry a purse made of jeans material. Indeed a plain, simple bag is best for circumstances where one conducts business. Purses, just like any other apparel, can say a lot about a person.
Many women allow people close to them to get what they need from their bags. This type of intimacy is usually shared with a spouse and children. But with acquaintances, most women are more protective of their purses. How a woman feels about her purse and how she shares it, or doesn't share it, offers information about a sense of power and how relationships differ from person to person.
Women need validation and reassurance in relationships, experts say. Part of their arena of control, if they have limited power, might be how they treat that physical purse. It may say this is my personal space, and you can't enter it without permission. It may imply insecurity or just someone who believes in being particularly careful. How does a man get around that as a barrier? Women need empathy, so a conversation that stresses the purse as valuable and an extension of self would like generate a positive response. Words like this, "That purse is beautiful, just as you are. I know you find it precious, just as you are precious to me. I suppose that's why you wouldn't want anyone near it, and I respect that. But would it trouble you if I just got out a few dollars to run get some groceries? It's closer to me right now, and I don't want you to have to run around and get everything, since you are always helping people. I'll just help out with this little thing, just take out what I need and not disturb anything." This kind of conversation validates the woman, assures her of her self worth, values her contribution to the relationship and shows that the person cares.
Then there's the other type of purse power, as in who holds the strings in finances. This can be a place where many disagreements can become serious arguments, as money matters figure prominently in marital discord. In many studies around the world, information sources maintain that women continue to have unequal representation in matters of money at the highest levels.
There is an inequality in the sharing of certain responsibilities. That unequal status begins with the family and moves out into the community itself, where women have less control over how money is spent in government and with public funds. Women may have money, but very often a man is involved in its control, according to research about it.
It's interesting to note that the power of the purse in semantic terms refers to "the constitutional power given Congress to raise and spend money. " Therefore the purse is a power symbol in language. Women find that they can demonstrate their self worth by a purse, which can be an extension of the personality. At the same time, on a literal level, they worry about not having control over finances, or at leas their share in relationships. That's why discussions about these matters should begin early and elicit feelings in shared communications. Then the purse becomes something that is shared, not just in the literal sense of the physical purse and its contents but the figurative one that implies financial responsibility and shared power.
