Problem children can be life-long for parents

 Carol Forsloff— Even into adulthood, problem children continue to give their parents
heartache, and it doesn’t matter if other children in the family grow up
to be successful, according to a new study of middle-aged parents.

“What this study finds is that the children may have their own lives and
moved on, but their ups and downs are still deeply affecting their
parents,” psychology professor Karen Fingerman, PhD, said  at
the 118th Annual Convention five years ago of the American Psychological Association.  Fingerman, of Purdue University, presented her findings at a symposium focusing on social relationships and well-being.

For this study,633 middle-aged parents in the Philadelphia area rated each of their grown children’s achievements in relationships, family life, education and career. They were asked to rate each child’s successes compared to
other adults the same age. Most parents had more than one child so there
were reports of 1,251 grown children included in the study.

Parents also answered questions about their own psychological well-being, what kind of relationship they had with their children, and whether each of
their children had experienced specific physical, emotional, lifestyle
and behavioral problems. Lifestyle and behavioral problems included:
trouble with the law, drinking or drug problems, divorce and serious
relationships problems. They also considered if each child’s problems
were deemed involuntary, such as a health issue, and controlled for them
within the study.

The research found 68 percent of parents had at least one grown child suffering at least one problem in the last two years. Close to 49 percent of parents said at least one of their children was highly successful. The majority of parents, 60 percent,said they had a mix of successful and less successful children, while 17 percent had no children suffering from problems and 15 percent had no children they rated as being above average on life achievements.

The researchers also found having even one problematic child had a negative impact on their mental health, even if the other children were successful. Simply having at least one successful child was not associated with better well-being. The findings suggest parents react more strongly to their children’s failures than their successes, according to Fingerman

In 2006 previous research found that children's problems caused health problems across the parents life span, especially the more those problems accumulated.

And this is one of the main reasons that more and more support groups have been created and resources available online to help parents know how to manage their problem children.  One of the main problems, however, is how to manage that difficult child after he or she has grown up, left home and continues to be the problem of someone else, like a wife or the child of someone who passes along the problems to the next generation.