A comedic look at a politician through the eyes of "Josephine the Plumber"

US Capitol

Carol Forsloff--Me and old John, you know we're buddies. We gotta be because, well you can't fix an old guy's toilets and not know something about him. He tells me he's a regular guy and got good sense, but somehow he forgets to use it when he's down there in Washington in that Congress, especially when it comes to managing money.

I can't figure out what's getting into my old buddy these days. He used to say to me, "You know Josephine." He always called me by my full name; the rest of the folks just call me Jo, I mean, John's a hoot. Anyway he'd say to me, "Josephine, I think you probably know me better than anyone." Well that's probably true, but I don't know if I know him very much at all anymore. Because my old buddy has changed so much that the rest of the guys around here aren't sure they understand him anymore than we do the rest of those folks in Congress.

I went by John's house last week hoping he might come around since I hadn't seen him in awhile. He's been stumbling quite a bit these days, and I can't do as much as I used to for him because of my arthritis. In fact I had to stop plumbing a few months, or was that weeks, no I think that was a couple of years ago. You know, I'm getting up there like my buddy, John and some of his friends in Washington who have been there way too long.  And the young ones who work with John in Congress?  They act like they didn't learn anything before they got their job. But then I'm not doing anything too important either since so many people lost their jobs and can't afford a plumber.

John has got this house in this fancy place in Alabama, just a few miles from where I live now. I retired here because you know, it's cheaper and all that. Anyway John's old house is near a vacant lot where my buddies and I hang out and have a cool one, and John always said he was going to hang out with us, so I was looking for him to come by any time.

So my buddy John was going by down the street past that house of his in some fancy bus with all these letters on it, and he stopped when he saw me. Besides he said he'd want to check on that house he's fixing up for him and his honey. At least that's what he told me once. He'd say, "You know, Josephine. You and I are going to retire together, and I'll hang out with you, because I know people like you. I feel your pain." Well, I'm curious about that because mine is right on my tail end just where I sit down.  Guess that's why people around here call people like John a pain in the ass.

 I've been hearing about him and those people he has been working with.  They keep telling us they feel our pain.  Well if that's true, and all of us are feeling the same, I guess we got our pain in the tether from them.

 When I first met John he had only a couple of bathrooms in just one house, and this house that wasn't much bigger than 1½ block or so. I can't remember sometimes about how big and all. But you know those toilet pipes of his, they got plugged up all the time; and I was always running over there to fix something or other. I told John he and his wife should splurge since they were getting up there and all. Besides I says, "John, you know those newspapers you been reading then turning around and using in the bathroom have been plugging up the john. You can afford to get something better in here." But they got to keep up appearances, he says, so their townhouse in Washington's got gold and sparkling stuff all over the bathroom.  Here where he was living before, and where he comes home when he's tired, well it's all different. He  told me he leaves the newspapers everywhere around his house so people know he's reading, including when he goes to the bathroom.  And he says if some bit of them are floating in the toilet, people will see he's trying to save money himself.   I guess that's why his folks called him John.  He says when it comes to things in Washington he feels sometimes like he's losing it.

Anyway, John stopped by and got off the bus when he was running for re-election to talk with me for a few minutes. I says to him, "You know, I get all these taxes, and I ain't got much to live on. Besides I'm no spring chicken with my arthritis and all." Well, then John he says to me, "Hey Josephine. I'm gonna make sure that that big store out on the highway with all those things shipped in from Korea from their plant over there gets a big tax cut, and the money will trickle all down to you." Well trickle my foot, or is that tickle my foot? No it's trick that's what that is. Yes, I think that's a trick all right because John doesn't know what trickle means or he would have fixed his own darn faucet.

I can't talk with you much longer because my old man Buzz he thinks I'm trying to get into politics myself by shooting off my mouth and all.  I just think someone's gotta stick up for the little woman,

I had to share this with all you folks cause there isn't a lot of time this year before a bunch of new guys take over in Washington, and it will be the same thing all over again, if old John is any example.  I know the guy for years, but I'll be switched if I can figure out what he's really going to do.  He'll probably just argue with everybody in Congress like he argues with me about that toilet.  Cause nothing ever changes now in Washington and I don't expect it ever will, if they all act like John.

Well, gotta go now. But you know what? It's been nice writing to you.
And I'll get back here as soon as I can when old Buzz isn't around to turn down the television when I'm trying to keep up with what's happening in Washington.

Hey Buzz, turn up that darn t.v., and can you bring me a beer?