The joy of meeting people

[caption id="attachment_6836" align="alignleft" width="300" caption=""Dad" with traffic guard, Ground Zero"][/caption]






A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan - Meeting people in real life, in person, is cool.  I write and speak a great deal about technology and social interaction.  It’s my belief that modern technology offers wondrous things but, as with just about everything, there is a down side.  That “down side” is that you can be lulled to believe that you can do everything you need to do from the comfort of your computer.  Yes, you can do much more than at any time in human history, but the value of direct people contact cannot be replaced by any new tech device, app, software, or web site.

This was dramatically demonstrated on a recent trip to New York, where I combined business and pleasure and found the pleasure of meeting people to be not only joyful but also informative and invaluable in ways I’d almost forgotten about, considering my attachment to technology.

I’m not bashful, to say the least, so I talk to everyone.  Literally.  I struck up conversations with every taxi driver whose cab I entered.  In the crowded subway, I met a young Danish girl of Vietnamese heritage and in the space of one stop I learned her incredible story.  Being “social” got my son and me into the airline lounge for free, when our plane was delayed, whereas sitting back would’ve stuck us in the main, loud, uncomfortable airport waiting areas for several hours.

We parents model the behavior we want from our children.  My son got a great lesson in assertiveness, through observing my regular interactions with various people we encountered. To him, however, it was also sprinkled with an equal amount of me embarrassing him (24, 25 times?) by just being “Me!.”

In the space of four and a half days, some of the things we experienced from this direct interaction with people and places were:

~~ We met a young girl, while smashed together on the subway, who was doing a world tour before beginning medical school in Holland. In the space of ONE stop, I learned that her parents were boat people after the fall of Saigon, that her father was rescued by a Norwegian ship while in his early teens, and that he attended high school in Holland, where he met his wife who was also a survivor of the horrid post-war times in Vietnam.  He became an engineer and they had five children, the youngest of which was next to me, telling me her wonderful, engaging story.  As you can see, this is who I am -- talking to everybody, loving it, learning, interacting -- and as you can also understand, it’s why I probably under-estimated the number of times I embarrassed my son.

~~ We hung out with my virtual friend Adam Cohen (@dadarocks) who took us to the most incredible restaurant for dessert, Max Brenners. Adam is one of those people I “knew” from Twitterl, but now got the pleasure of not only meeting but getting to really “know.” There is no doubt that 140 characters have their limits!  Adam was beyond gracious to me and David, and David got a taste of how a New Yorker handles things, since Adam was born and raised there, and has his own unique style of “getting it done.”  His style is persistent, direct, and explains his 76 Klout (a Twitter measure of influence) and other top-of-the-list statistics as a dad blogger/influencer.

~~ Ground Zero where I was moved and impacted in ways I hadn’t imagined.



~~ I met a taxi driver from a small town in Ghana, who knew Pastor Frank Bennin, who runs the girl’s school that I’ve been supporting through my writing and radio show. Pastor Bennin’s kids befriended me on Facebook - yet another marvel of the Internet that we’d connect this way.  But, what are the odds that I’d meet a man from Ghana, on a trip to New York, who happened to know the little township of Agona Swedru?



~~ I spoke at the #140conf*, a Social Media conference where I met dozens of people that I only knew “virtually.” We discussed, shared, and got to know each other in ways that non-verbal, non-direct communication just cannot do.  In many cases, we came up with business ideas and other things we might join forces on that never would have happened without the face-to-face time.

~~ I met people of every ethnicity, stripe, color, and any other human distinction by visiting Times Square, day and night, The Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Macy’s (the largest department store in the world), The Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center and the “Top of the Rock,” Chinatown (for dim sum and boba), saw four musicals (“Spiderman” - front row seats, “Memphis,” “Mary Poppins,” and “Baby, It’s You”), visited FAO Schwartz where I did a Tom Hanks (from the movie, “Big”) and danced/played on their full-size walk and play on piano, Greenwich Village for pizza at the infamous “John’s Pizza” restaurant, The Apple Store, the gorgeous display of masks in front of The Plaza Hotel, did a video interview with my son in Times Square, watched the “Today” show being broadcast “live,” and visited the Harry Potter exhibit at the Discovery Museum. Plus, taxi, taxi, taxi, walk, walk, walk, subway, subway, subway.

So, do you think getting out and seeing the world, interacting with people, learning and doing it away from the comforts of home, is worth it? I sure do!

*Here’s a link to my travelogue article on the trip to New York which has a link to view my “talk:” http://bit.ly/140confNY

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Bruce’s first book, A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation is available at Amazon and the store at BruceSallan.com: http://brucesallan.com/index.php/store. Bruce Sallan’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is carried in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide. Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View,” his one-hour radio show, which is available anytime, via live stream, or to download for free on BruceSallan.com.  Everything about Bruce’s radio show, including which stations carry it “live,” and all of Bruce’s writing and other information, is accessible at: http://www.brucesallan.com. Bruce created and launched a website for those who would like Tech help, called BoomerTechTalk (http://www.BoomerTechTalk.com). Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

My Word Is My Bond

Dad's Point of View Column - Bruce Sallan - Do
you remember the old phrases, “He is as good as his word,” or “My word
is my bond,” or “A handshake is all I need (in the way of a deal)?”What happened?

Do
you remember when we didn’t think lawyers were the first people we had
to call before we made a deal? Do you remember when a contract was just a
page or two?  Do you remember when your friends returned your
phone calls promptly and a RSVP meant something? 

What
happened?  What happened to someone following through on a commitment of
“Yes” or “I’ll get back to you?” or “I’ll be there.”  I fear our
children will have fewer of these kinds of business or personal
encounters.  The irony is that we have much faster and easier methods
of communication yet all it seems to have done is to make life more
complicated and less trustworthy.  

I don’t like
this change.  Not one bit.  And, frankly, I still rail against it,
and expect better of my friends and those I work with.  I know that
having expectations usually only leads to being let down, but I can’t
help still hoping that people will behave as I try to do--with a sense
of honor, follow through, and respect. 

My former work life
should have taught be well not to have these expectations since showbiz
is notorious for its flakes and deal breaking.  But, I never got used to
it. Late in my showbiz career, a good friend betrayed me, and it really
broke my heart in a way from which I never fully recovered or regained
my enthusiasm for working in the entertainment business.  I left
that business shortly thereafter.  As with so many things that seem bad
at the time, I look back at that incident as a positive life change,
though it didn’t feel like it at the time. 

Now I am better
at minimizing my expectations in launching my second career as a writer
and, more recently, as a radio show host. To get my column launched, I
sent out thousands of e-mail messages addressed to specific editors,
publishers, webmasters, and others in charge at newspapers and websites
across the country and, later, around the world (only in
English speaking countries). 

Yet, I still had
modest expectations that some small, but reasonable percentage of the
recipients of my e-mail messages might take the time to read some of the
samples I sent and respond.  Maybe they’d say, “Thanks, but no thanks”
or, better yet, maybe they’d say, “Love your writing; we must have
it.”  

I got about a 2% response rate and about a ½% “we’d like
to have your column” response.  That comes out to one out of every
200 e-mail messages I sent led to my column being carried by a newspaper
or website.  The first of these, I might add, was The Santa Barbara
News Press when Arthur Von Wiesenberger, one of its publishers, sent me a
wonderfully warm e-mail response offering my first “official” job as a
columnist at a paper.  

But, one out of 200!  You need thick skin
to take that kind of rejection.  To be clear, that meant that 196 out
of the 200 e-mail messages that I sent were either not read, deleted, or
rejected as spam--who knows? 

The other thing that puzzles me
occurs in my personal life and also relates to e-mail messages.  As my
mind and interests are varied, I used to like to share a variety of
links, music, photos, jokes, and such with my friends.  Over time, it
became clear that most preferred not to be bothered.  This is yet
another puzzling change in human intercourse. 

My more recent
experience in trying to secure sponsors for my radio show was the straw
that broke this camel’s back.  Naturally, the first places I sought
sponsors were with friends in businesses that I thought would be a good
fit with my show and audience.  

However, as I’ve stated earlier,
the methods of doing business seem to have changed.  I got lots of
encouragement, lots of “I’m interested,” and ultimately lots of “I’ll
get back to you” with few actually getting back to me at all. These
weren’t strangers that I sent unsolicited e-mail message to but, rather,
people I worked with, I hired and paid for their services, and in some
cases considered friends.  And they, too, were not being up-front and
honest.  

Why wouldn’t they just say “No?” I followed up several
times until it became clear that they were unable or unwilling to give
me that “No” as if ignoring my request could possibly be better?  Or, as
my wife has suggested and is probably right, they just had other
priorities in their lives and would get to it on their schedule, not
mine.  And, that is the lesson for me to learn and to pass on to
my boys. 

My boys will live, work, and play in this different
world where common courtesy often is the exception, but if they
understand “the game” they will be better prepared and
less disappointed.  Business will still get done and friends will still
be friends. . They will eventually enter and have to learn to deal with
this “brave new world” in which business and personal affairs
are conducted in such a haphazard and unprofessional manner.  

But, I still don’t like it. 

Please
listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at
11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the
Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the
show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com.
Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100
newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining

his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

The Family Dinner

Bruce Sallan - I had a discussion with some other dads the other day about “the family dinner.”  To my surprise, many of these men described their family eating adventures as just that, an adventure.  Or, more specifically: a circus, trial, ordeal, and other pejoratives. 

My immediate thought was about the classic image of Norman Rockwell’s painting, “Freedom From Want” with the image of “mom” or “grandma” presenting the turkey at what is likely a Thanksgiving dinner, with the whole family eager, excited, and present.  “Dad” or “grandpa” is looking on, with the expectation that he will carve the bird.  How quaint; how lovely; how sadly antiquated, I fear. What was evident in our discussion, as is so often the case, was that each man’s personal background and family experience, informed their own family experience.  And, of course, their wife’s background also contributed to the ritual or lack thereof in the family.  

I believe that the “family dinner” is an essential, valuable, and powerful ritual for every family unit, whatever it may be.  It is even more important in our currently hectic times when each family member can pursue their own interests separately, alone, and with multiple technological tools at their disposal.  

One wonders what happened to the whole family sitting around the one television in the home and watching, “The Ed Sullivan Show,” “Leave It To Beaver,” “The Donna Reed Show,” “The Bill Cosby Show,” as well as more contemporary examples.  What happened to the shared experience of watching current events as I painfully remember watching Walter Cronkite cry on air when he announced JFK’s death (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K8Q3cqGs7I) or when the whole family watched in wonder when Neil Armstrong landed and walked on the moon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMINSD7MmT4) and said those immortal words, “This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” 

Let’s face it; those times are long past, at least in the shared television experience.  But, they don’t have to be in the family-time arena nor should they be.  Another thing shared by the men in the original discussion that motivated this column was the fact that their own best memories often took place around the family dinner table.  I know that was so true for my childhood and I’ve worked very hard to create a similar experience for my sons, during the hard time and now, the happier ones. 

Our ritual is Friday Night Shabbat dinner.  Shabbat is the day of rest for both Jews and Christians however it is “celebrated” differently in each faith.  As a Jew, we observe the Sabbath on Friday nights.  I helped create our family Shabbat tradition and it’s been, truly, special and memorable for my boys, myself, my lovely new wife, and equally for friends.  The boys are eager to invite their friends over for our Friday night dinners. 

Why? Because, it is sadly unique among their contemporaries.  Any family dinner seems unique to many of my boy’s friends.  Ours is extra special because of not only the good meal, but also the rituals we observe each Friday night.  They’re simple, they’re easy, they’re short, but they’re meaningful.  This sticks with people and is one of my main reasons I’m advocating the family dinner.  My recommendation is to start with a family dinner one night a week that is designated as sacrosanct and special. 

What do you do that is different and special? First, I bake fresh challah each week.  The smell of the bread baking in the oven fills the house and announces that this day is different from all the others during the week.  My wife, who is a talented cook, makes an extra effort and we have a very lovely meal.  But, it all starts with the simple lighting of candles and a blessings.  It is followed by three other short blessings; one for the wine; one for the challah (bread); and one for the children present, boys and/or girls. 

Our special Sallan family tradition goes one step further as we take turns going around the table with each person sharing the best and worst things that happened for them during that week.  Only one “worst” is allowed to prevent excessive whining and complaining but there’s no limit on the “bests.”  For new friends and guests, this is a wonderful way to share things about them we might not otherwise learn or know. For us, it’s an opportunity to be grateful, share the good news and also the bad news, and basically just get closer. 

I look forward to our Friday night dinner with great anticipation each week. We also try to eat together other nights as well, but life and our individual schedules do intrude, yet I would estimate that we sit down to eat as a family at least four times per week.  I heartily encourage you to do the same. 

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.