Woe to seniors who divorce

While this is not a religious proclamation about divorce, woe until him or her who divorce in senior years.

Years ago Grandma and Grandpa lived out their lives together, even if for the most part they weren't speaking.  But these days, they are often just as likely to seek divorce as others, but the complications and concerns are far more grave. 

The nation was stunned over the announcement of the impending divorce of Al and Tipper Gore some years ago after 40 years of marriage.  Here was a couple held up to the world as having it all, with love included.  Now they face what many seniors are facing, undoing lives of many years together and facing an uncertain future.  Even though close friends suspected the Gores had problems, the general public was surprised.  The upcoming Gore divorce, however, shines a light on what is happening in the area of what is now referred to as the "gray divorce," the break-up of long-term marriages.-  

Americans are living longer, and consequently the years of a marriage can also be longer for Americans.  Divorce rates are increasing for married couples who have gone through decades together.. According to U.S. Census statistics, women married between 1970 and 1974 had a 50-percent chance of reaching a 30th wedding anniversary. This rate is significantly lower than those who married just 10 years earlier, who had a 60-percent probability of reaching the same milestone.

These statistics bear out in the actual practice of those working with relationships. A social worker who focuses on marital conflict told the Wall Street Journal that those with marriages of 30 to 40 years now comprise the biggest part of her practice.

Although each divorce embodies unique circumstances, those working with couples divorcing later in life note common themes. Oftentimes these couples have grown children and finances that are in order, but have marital relationships that have been long-suffering.

These factors alone can hardly account for the shift. Older couples have long faced the time when their children have grown, and often have simply maintained their marriages despite having grown apart, indicating that there must be some other factors at play.

In many cases, older women have become less dependent on their husbands for financial support, making departures financially feasible. In other cases, one spouse or the other finds that it's time to embrace a true calling -- choosing a new profession or simply seeking a life that brings more joy than a stagnate marriage does. As people are remaining active longer, the empty-nest years are extended and offer greater opportunities than they once did. 

The issues involved in divorce are likely to be much more important for seniors than with younger couples. In fact experts tell us that divorce is the worst retirement mistake a couple can make.

When marital assets must be divided between two older spouses, each is left with only half of what was expected to cover those golden years.  The impact is that neither person wins, as there often is not enough money after the division occurs to guarantee the wife or husband will live well.

Women are often the ones who file first, and this makes increased difficulty, as women's retirement packages are often lower than those of men.  That gender gap, it is said, has already left many women in poverty.

In many cases those who are divorcing are approaching retirement, therefore they leave a limited time period to make up the difference in what they will need to live on during the remainder of their life span, which can be more than 15 years for may people.

Furthermore medical problems increase later in life, at the time when these splits occur. This can leve one or both partners in financial jeopardy as a consequence of having to divide up assets at a difficult time.

There are also the emotional consequences that can't be quantified.  Divorce is a stressful process, and the consequences to one's emotions, and therefore one's health, can be incalculable, according to the experts.

Often divorce comes about because the couple have lost their children to time, circumstance and life moves, as adult children go on with their lives and work.  The empty nesters who have not found ways to nest together comfortably without the demands--and company---of children may find themselves at odds with each other.  That's when the quarrels begin.

It's also when financial concerns arise, as people plan for the future and find themselves having to decide if that future is going to be a solitary one or one that involves a couple living out their years comfortably and amicably too.

So the experts say it is better to stay together if you have made it this far and aren't literally savaging one another.  Because the price one pays for divorce is a high one at any time and far greater in those senior years.