Bully[/caption]Carol Forsloff - Bullying can occur anywhere, including schools, neighborhoods, businesses, agencies, and groups of various kinds. But bullying can also occur in families, which can make the problem even more insidious and long-lasting.
Martha spent a lifetime as the butt of family jokes. She was often the scapegoat of her father, who would use her as a point of ridicule or put-down at the family table, in front of siblings and her mother. The family pattern of parental bullying became part of how Martha was treated throughout much of her life as the model set by the father was used to isolate, humiliate and control. Her inability to fight back because of the entrenchment of the bully behavior over time weakened Martha in her attempt to ward off bullying behavior in other relationships. Her vulnerability attracted bullying in other life relationships, from her husband, children and friends.
This family pattern is not unusual but difficult to manage over time because objections to the bullying, or defenses against it, can be met with denial or further aggression from family members and friends. It can be complicated by individual relationships within intimate groups who may ally themselves with the bully in order to shield themselves from also being victimized.
Experts on bullying tell us that manipulation is a key element in the behavior of bullies within the family. The bully manipulates through emotions, setting members of the family against each other and impacting the perception of others, their beliefs and attitudes. Those most vulnerable are often the victims of the manipulation, and these include those most needy emotionally or individuals with health problems or disabilities. The elderly needy often have the greatest vulnerability to family bullies.
Bullying in the family can be physical, psychological, financial, sexual or verbal, according to those involved in seeking solutions to this type of behavior. It can also be deliberate neglect. Statistics reveal that with the growth of aging family elders has also been an elevation in abuse and neglect of seniors.
What should folks do to escape the abuse from bullies in the family? Experts tell us that adults must recognize how their own behavior can fuel the bully activity, to speak up, and not to accept the notion they are at fault. If someone is making others think less of themselves, it is that individual who has the problem. In other words, one should not accept the notion they are just being too sensitive or not understanding, especially if the abuse is prolonged and hurtful.
Children learnbullying behaviors from others. For that reason, experts tell us adults must be conscious of the examples they set for their children. When family members degrade each other to maintain or increase family status, that type of behavior can hurt the more fragile in the family group and teach the child that behavior is an acceptable means to control. The Marthas in our midst can be helped by recognizing that the core value of the family to love and protect is risked for everyone when bullying becomes a family pattern.
