Two sets of victims suffer from a killing in the family

Casey Anthony, Florida police mugshot

"If one of my kids killed somebody, they might just as well get caught and be put away, because they would never see me again."  Larry Beekham's remark is similar to those made by many people who say they would feel shame and would literally disown their children found guilty of a major crime.  But other parents remain staunchly devoted to their children, and their suffering remains, sometimes lifelong.

Leslie Gardner, whose name has been disguised because she lives in a small neighborhood community in Hawaii, left the mainland because her father had killed someone and was sentenced to death row.  She continues to maintain a low profile in her community but says it is lonely when people ask her about her family.  She said, "I go and visit my Mom every year, so people think everything is all right.  But when they ask about my Dad, I don't know what to say, so I say they are separated, my Mom and Dad; and he lives someplace else."

That someplace else is the place that causes Gardner the pain she says never seems to go away, even though it has been six years since her father's conviction.

Joran van der Sloot admitted he killed 21-year-old Stephany Flores, a business student whose body was found in a Lima hotel room last week.  His mother visited over an extended period of time, one of those parents whose future has been compromised by the actions of her son.

Compassion floods towards the victim's families when there is a terrible crime; and although the pain of the perpetrator's family  is mentioned, it is seldom the focus of public concern.

In November 2008 Greta Van Sustern interviewed an assistant District Attorney who had tried to speak with Paulus van der Sloot, Joran's father regarding the disappearance of Natalie Holloway.  Paulus van der Sloot was reported to have resisted speaking with anyone publicly about his son and to have guided Joran through the events that occurred when the young van der Sloot was accused of involvement with the disappearance of Natalie Holloway in Aruba.

The negatives of this were splashed on newspaper pages and in television scripts with quotes as well.  The mother's voice appeared silent, as there was no focus on her feelings during that time.Like other parents whose children have either admitted to or been found guilty of terrible crimes, the van der Sloot's will experience personal pain, experts say, that will go on for years.

Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother and father vacillated from making public pronouncements to withdrawing. Dahmer’s mother tried hard to stay out of the public eye. Jeffrey’s father wrote a book, A Father's Story, chronicling the history of a son who had problems at an early age.  Dahmer is the man who cannibalized and killed his victims.

For certain the grandparents of Caylee Anthony, George and Cindy Anthony, have faced the cameras, showing their personal agonies as their daughter Casey is waiting to be tried for killing Caylee, her young daughter.

Authorities say one of the major characteristics of the psychopath, or serial killer, is self-centered behavior.  Mental health experts maintain that type of behavior is noticed by parents who may disregard it and not see it as a signal of further mental health problems.

Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother, Joyce, was reported to be frequently sick during Jeffrey's childhood  but  otherwise not a problem mother. When Jeffrey was picked up for the killings, for which he was convicted,  his mother was employed as a drug and alcohol treatment counselor.. His father was a Ph.D chemist. The parents were reported to be as ordinary as the people next door when they lived in Bath, Ohio.  They who divorced when Jeffrey was a teenager.

Scott Peterson’s family ,according to news reports, continues to deny that Scott killed his wife Lacey and the couple’s unborn child and have hired new defense attorneys for appeals. But they too are shown having emotional stress and retreat from public view.

Ronnie Lee Gardner, a killer who was on death row for 25 years, was executed about five years ago for the death of an attorney and the injury of a court bailiff during an escape attempt at the courthouse where he was being held for a robbery and murder the year before.   after 25 years on death row, brought strong reaction on both sides of the death penalty argument.  But it brought up the pain of the parents on both sides as well.  Gardner's family stood in vigil the night of his execution with people against the death penalty, making a total of 60 people sorrowing Utah's education of Gardner by firing squad.

Nick Kirk's daughter, Barb Webb, and granddaughter, Mandy Hull, family members of the bailiff who was shot, never able to work again and who suffered both physical and emotional pain for years, were reported by Desert News to be planning a vigil of their own. They had planned but then canceled it because they did not want to share attention and space with Gardner's family.

"We sure as hell didn't want them thinking it was for them," Webb said. "It's horrible, just absolutely horrible. I don't know why they would do this to us."

The ethics of the death penalty and religious quotes are part of the news frequently in the United States when there is an execution of someone who has committed a terrible crime, both sides expressing outrage, with the families caught in between.

Families of those who commit heinous crimes suffer greatly, as the community turns its sympathy to the victims.  Yet what about the families of those who were found innocent yet spent years on death row?

Ray Krone's story chronicles this issue, as he spent 10 years on death row before being exonerated of the crime of killing a female bartender.  DNA testing found another man had committed the crime.  In the meantime, Ray served that 10 years, but in many ways his family served the same length of time in their grief and struggle to reconcile the image of the man they knew and loved and the one convicted of murder.

Ray Krone said this to one of those people who interviewed him about his release from prison. “There was the time when I was testifying on behalf of Witness to Innocence, and a prosecutor said to me, ‘You’ve been exonerated. They got the guy who did it. You’re out now. See: the system works.’ I said, ‘Tell my mom the system works.’ He didn’t ask any more questions."

There are two sets of victims when a murder is committed: the victim's family and the family of the one convicted of the crime. And it is even worse for the second set of victims when there is no way to recover the years lost and the agony of having to believe someone is guilty of a crime who is found innocent.