[/caption]Carol Forsloff - A loved one dies. The dilemma comes when there are no instructions for what to do with the remains. Not knowing what to do about the body after death can cause conflict at a time when there is already enough grief to go around.
That’s what happened to Bennie. He was the beloved uncle in the family, the guy with the good humor and the lusty laugh. He died suddenly, leaving no information about what he wanted to happen to his body when he died. After all a fellow just shy of fifty years old is thinking about today, not tomorrow’s issues, which is where death is shelved for the young, those folks who don’t consider will feel death's proverbial sting too soon. Nothing much is taken from that shelf upon which death instructions rest until that certain age that keeps on changing from year to year, but usually is somewhere decades more than those five that Bennie lived.
The family scrambled. What to do? Some folks said Bennie was the guy who didn’t like much fuss. Others said they missed him and would want him still around somewhere in a place where they could visit. The quarrels over money and the pretend notions of what Bennie might have wanted continued on for hours until it was simply time to make a decision final and no more time to wonder anymore.
For some folks the answer to what happens to the body after death seems simple. A small urn that can sit on the mantle somewhere, as that symbol of having the deceased continually with the family in some physical way is appealing to many folk. For others they consider family interests of sorts, that often means an elaborate funeral with all the trimmings so folks can honor the dead in what they consider traditional and most appropriate ways.
The funeral for the star that died too young, like Natalie Wood, is the fashion so that movie folk can honor friends while at the same time take that opportunity to be seen in the right place, which is in the crowd of special friends that surround a movie star. Natalie Wood, who died at the age of 43, was part of Hollywood legend, with her tenure as an actress extending over many, many years. Movie-goers saw her as a child in Miracle on 34th Street. For other fans, Wood was part of teenage growing up in Rebel Without a Cause. Her mysterious death 30 years ago, and the recent reopening of the investigation as to the cause of it, brings back new focus on the habits of the famous actress and allows us to revisit for ourselves the events in her life, including the funeral that brought the famous and the wannabes to honor Wood in death.
This actress, as one of her biographers Gavin Lambert writes in the well-received biography of Natalie Wood was ahead of her time and popular with many of the greats of Hollywood. Indeed a veritable Who’s Who of Hollywood greats figured prominently in the memorial to Wood those thirty years ago. The honorary pallbearers included Fred Astaire, Rock Hudson, Elia Kazan, Laurence Olivier, Gregory Peck and Frank Sinatra. "People adored Natalie, but she never really got her due," said Gavin Lambert. "People adored Natalie, but she never really got her due." So Wood was given that proper burial in a manner folks could remember as part of that Hollywood style that honors movie’s own.
For many of the rest of us, what happens to our bodies after death is dictated by religious views. If the person has no written instructions for what to do with the body after death, those responsible for making that decision can turn to faith instead.
Eastern religious cultures have their own unique ways to honor the dead. Buddhists believe in cremation. Afterwards the deceased is remembered through special prayers and chants for seven days. Hindus cremate their people and in a special cremation ceremony, the body is carried three times counterclockwise around the pyre, with the body then placed upon it. In films folks often see the famous cremation scenes, such as that of Mahatma Gandhi whose funeral followed Hindu culture.
The Catholic Church encourages its members to be buried in Catholic cemeteries. Although previously there was a ban on cremation, in 1963 that ban was lifted. On the other hand, the cremated remains cannot be kept at home nor scattered. Most Protestant Christians honor their dead a few days after death and the body is buried after a funeral ceremony. Muslims believe the body should be buried as soon as possible after death, thereby avoiding the need to embalm and disturb the body of the deceased.
Baha’is consider themselves to represent the latest of the world religions and have specific instructions about how to prepare for death and what to do with the body once a person dies. Baha’is are admonished to have a written will with specific instructions about the treatment of the body as well as a narrative concerning specific wishes of the dead. Baha’is describe their religious practices officially regarding death as this: “In Bahá'í Law, the deceased is to be buried no more than one hour's journey from the place of death. The journey to the burial place should be timed at an hour, regardless of the means of transport, and may be calculated from the city limits. The length of time between death and the burial is unspecified in the Bahá'í writings, though Bahá'u'lláh's says that "the sooner the burial taketh place, the more fitting and preferable." Bahá'ís are not to be embalmed or cremated, unless the law requires it, as the body is to be treated respectfully and allowed to decompose naturally in a fashion similar to those of the Jewish faith.
How to treat the body after death is part of culture and unique among the different faith and cultural groups. It is part of the guidance folks can use when making the best decision about a Bennie in the family or a loved one where the wishes of the dead are unknown. It does not solve the grief surrounding death but offers still a roadmap that can help assuage the pain and conflict many families must endure.
