Avoid the argument most predictive of divorce

[caption id="attachment_19045" align="alignleft" width="186"] Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, married twice to each other, likely didn't have the #1 cause of divorce.[/caption]

Editor---You and your spouse argue about lots of things, but the thing that is the most prevalent cause for divorce is arguments  money.  Financial experts now point out, based on research data found about couples disagreements in the financial arena, that those who argue about money the most are more likely to get a divorce than other couples.

Kansas State University researcher Sonya Britt, assistant professor of family studies and human services and program director of personal financial plannint tells us this:  "It's not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It's money -- for both men and women."

And where you live also influences the rate of divorce.  More marriages are in the Southern United States and also more divorces.  In the Northeast couples tend to marry later in life than in other regions of the United States, so the rate of divorce there is lower.

Over the entire world,  Eastern Eurupean countries tend to have the highest divorce rates.   These include Russia, Moldova, the Ukraine, Belarus, Lithuania and the Czech Republic, with the first four figuring among the ten countries with the highest rates of divorce.  The United States, Bermuda, and Cuba round out the list, according to the United Nations Statistics Demographic Yearbook.

Across much of the developed world the rates of marriage have fallen while the rates of divorce have increased,  reflective of the changing demographics of the world.  And much of the cause for divorce, according to experts, has to do with where a person lives and what they argue about.

Ten signs of divorce and divorce remorse

[caption id="attachment_9542" align="alignleft" width="235"] Elizabeth Taylor[/caption]

Carol Forsloff - "Divorce is never easy," says Ms. Hamlin. "It can be the most difficult thing you go through in your life. But I can say from experience, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a train coming to run you down. It's a whole new life.” Is it, however, the life you want more than being married?

Judy Joseph Hamlin, a former Orange County housewife, gives readers the ten signs a marriage might end in divorce in her book From Riches to Happiness and underlines that if the worst happens,  it isn’t the end of a person’s life, but perhaps the beginning. She looks at  the reality show The Real Housewives and talks about the type of issues that occur in the series, the fighting, the physical and emotional abuse, and the constant quarreling and criticism, and maintains these events are signs a marriage may be falling apart, and it’s time for a divorce. That thought is often part of the process many people go through in separating from a spouse, as the divorce rate in the United States is 50%.

While regrets are voiced about choosing a marriage partner and finding out things can be difficult in relationships and breakups therefore occur, some folks say that maybe that former spouse might have been the right choice after all.

Those who look at love from all angles tell us that many people regret their divorce.  A blogger reminds us, “ Divorce can sometimes seem like a rushed decision that was not planned out entirely. All too often, it is after the papers are final one realizes that they really did love their spouse.”

Some people make the break, find they regret it, and then seek reconciliation. It is the stuff of great plays and films, as old lovers rekindle that spark that brought them together in the first place. It takes careful planning, however, as those issues that divided the couple may continue to be part of the reconciliation needs. So those who counsel folks about their marriages, and possible remarriage to the same partner, often suggest marital counseling in advance. Some very famous couples chose to reunite and found the same issues that broke the marriage apart remain obstacles to an amicable relationship the second time around.  Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton were the quintessential romantic couple of Hollywood, but with the high profile arguments and conflicts that added up to a divorce again.

Some couples are able to reestablish bonds because they become concerned about the impact of separation and divorce on the children. More and more research has established the significant problems caused by divorce, especially when there are young children involved. The scars of the divorce often remain hurting years after the end of the marriage. There are divorced parents who recognize the effect on the children, then reexamine the issues in the marriage and find in the balance that the harm to the children, and to the couple, far outweigh the initial causes for a divorce.

Marriage experts remind us that the best alternative is to try to save a marriage as opposed to rushing through a divorce, because much of the time those regrets can’t be translated into a reunification of the couple concerned. One expert underlines what many folks say privately, even though they may say to family and friends they made a good decision that the divorce has created a whole new set of problems and that the “marriage was far better than the divorce “and that whole new life might not be as easy or as fun as thought.