What is it like to be a family member of a killer or accused killer?

 

[caption id="attachment_7199" align="alignleft" width="193" caption="Rev. Jim Jones"][/caption]

Carol Forsloff - John Wayne Gacey, one of America's worst serial killers, and the son of Jim Jones were on the Oprah Show last week speaking of the complications caused by a family member who has killed, so how has this issue impacted others? 

Gacey's sister and Jim Jones Jr. both reiterated the fact they had to deal with their feelings for a long time, with difficulty, and that there were conflicted feelings in how they emotionally managed to get through the process of continuing to love the person and despise the deed that was done. 




Their message was just that, maintaining a balance of loving the family member in the recall of positive events that had occurred in the relationship, which allowed them to deal with the knowledge there was a killer in the family, and in the case of both Gacey and Jones, serial killers of renown. 

How have others handled this type of issue in families, when a family member is either found guilty of murder or is accused of killing?  Some high profile cases  reveal the ambivalence and emotional pain experienced by family members of people accused of, imprisoned or executed for horrible crimes. 

Susan Smith’s mother, Linda, has written a book about her daughter and her dilemma as mother of a convicted killer. Susan Smith has been in jail for nearly two decades for killing her two young children.   

Jeffrey Dahmer’s father also wrote a book about his feelings, his experiences, his recollections of the son who was convicted of cannibalizing and killing young men. Will the parents of Casey Anthony, if their daughter is convicted of killing her daughter Caylee, write a book as well? The ultimate pain and shame of parents of children who kill is born out by their stories, some shown in the press at the time, and some told later by way of the books they write. 

Casey Anthony’s parents, George and Cindy Anthony, were on the news frequently after their granddaughter, Caylee, was reported missing.  They implored for anyone who had seen their little granddaughter Caylee to come forward. They were also said to have wavered in their feelings about the guilt or innocence of their daughter Casey. In the eyes of the public, as reflected in the stories written about this case, the grandparents have been portrayed as either being too much in denial about their daughter’s possible guilt or victims themselves in this tragedy. Given this wide swing in social perception, how could it not be difficult for these people during the period while their daughter, Casey, waits to be tried for murder, and possibly face the death penalty, for killing her toddlery, Caylee?

Susan Smith’s childhood was reported to be seriously troubled with her mother, Linda, having married at the age of 17 and the family involved in intense arguing that led one of Susan’s brothers, Michael, to attempt suicide. Her parents divorce was an emotionally fraught experience for everyone, it was said, so much so that Susan’s father, Harry, committed suicide. Susan was sexually abused by her stepfather, Beverly Russel, for years, an issue that continued despite family counseling. So Susan’s mother lives with the killing of her grandchildren, the imprisonment of her daughter for their death, and the memories of the sex abuse also. That contributes to the Linda’s ultimate pain she writes.   Linda Smith explains why she wrote her book My Daughter Susan Smith, as this,

My daughter Susan Smith was never a violent person, never abused her children. She never committed an act of any kind that those close to her could point to later as an omen of the killing of her children. She loved them dearly. They were her life. But she sent 3-year-old Michael and 14-month-old Alex to their deaths in John D. Long Lake on a dark October night.  

 

In the 6 years since Susan was found guilty of murder, I am just now beginning to understand the silent devastation of mental illness. Obviously, I have to accept that Susan was responsible for the deaths of her children. But where does responsibility lie for what happened along the way that got her in that mental shape?

This book is a quest for understanding--for myself and for others.

 

 

Later on an author by the name of Don Davis in 1997 wrote a book entitled Hush Little Babies: The True Story Of A Mother Who Murdered Her Own in which both the lives of Linda and Susan were told. Linda remains grieved, it is said, over the circumstances of her life and that of her daughter, Susan. As of the last report of the family, it was said the members remain silent about the case these days.

 

Lionel Dahmer, father of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, has written his story as well, simply titled A Father’s Story. The contents of the book are described like this:

A Father's Story' chronicles Lionel Dahmer's reflections and reminiscences of his son, Jeffrey, a serial killer. Despite the gory crimes committed by his son, the elder Dahmer finds it hard to judge Jeffrey the way his accusers have. The worst imaginable nightmare for most parents is to discover that one of their children has been murdered. For Lionel Dahmer, the discovery that Jeffrey Dahmer, his son, had murdered so many other people's children is what has turned his life into an unimaginable nightmare. Arrested at his Milwaukee apartment in 1991 and sentenced to 957 years in prison, Jeffrey Dahmer had taken the lives of seventeen men,

 

Some authors have discussed Lionel Dahmer’s book and the confusions he relates and have declared that in many ways, Jeffrey Dahmer was his father’s son. Those stories that will likely continue are sure to continue the pain of Dahmer’s family.

 

 Cindy and George Anthony stand in the same place as other parents with a daughter accused of killing the granddaughter they loved, and having to face a trial in that court of public opinion and the one their daughter Casey must face on charges of killing her child.

The family of Amanda Knox has an especially painful situation, as relayed by the press regularly.  The publicity is said to be painful, and the family is appealing Amanda Knox conviction.  But the court in Italy has been reported as stern and considering adding years to Amanda's sentence because of claims both she and her parents defamed the court. Amanda Knox was found guilty of killing her roommate in Italy and is serving a 26-year sentence for the crime.

 

The public, as with other cases, is likely to be confused as they vacillate between concern for these parents and grandparents and problems concerning any issues the prosecution finds related to them. It won’t be easy for these families in the future, as the cases of other parents have painfully shown.

 

 

Brad Conway, the attorney who has represented George and Cindy Anthony, told Meredith Viera on the Today Show more than one year ago that the Anthony's stand by their daughter but had not visited her for months and won't as long as they have to be watched and recorded during each visit.  They are reported to have conflicts and grief regarding the events surrounding their daughter and the death of their granddaughter.

 

 

It is those conflicts, that grief, and those memories families must weigh, as discussed in the cases of Gacey and Jones today on the Oprah show.